Acceptance of Self Living with and loving our selves BY: Troy Murphy |January 2017
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Harmony between expectations and reality filters disappointments. Too much expectation and life constantly fails, screaming unfairness; too little expectation and perhaps we settle for less. Some proclaim no expectation is best; perhaps this is so. Personally, I’m not sure of the laudableness of this a mindset. Trust is intimately tied with expectations. Does the disloyalty of a cheating spouse fail to provoke emotion in the expectationless victim? Like many things, healthy expectations must fall in the glorious middle, neither too much nor too little.
What do we expect of ourselves, too much, or too little? We must find harmony in the middle, enough expectation to act but not so much to depress. Accepting the reality of self—beauties, flaws, and limitations, must be cautiously held, not with disgust or with joyful justification.
Change demands recognizing inconsistencies between current behaviors and expectations so we can address the differences, either by taming unrealistic expectations or modifying disquieting behaviors. We must remind that imperfections don’t imply inadequacy; the flaws simply testify of humanness. We are who we are—ugly spots and all. Often ugly spots are normal imperfections found in our humanness, if so, are they really ugly? Being in harmony with the present, enhances efforts to improve the future—a paradox.
"We must find harmony in the middle, enough expectation to act but not so much to depress. Accepting the reality of self—beauties, flaws, and limitations, must be cautiously held, not with disgust or with joyful justification."
Perfection is ideal and unobtainable. There is no prevailing agreement of the traits of a perfect person. We must rid ourselves of ideals as an appropriate measuring stick. Hanging our head in constant disappointment from abusive expectations bruises the soul, and depresses the mind. Self-improvement follows self-acceptance.
Harsh judgments rule in a hurtful cycle of self-rejection; the self never discovers rest from the brutal attacks of inner judgments. Our strenuous demands always scream insufficiency, projecting the self-rejection onto others. If we don’t like ourselves and focus on becoming more likable, our escape from the painful cycle is improbable; the resolution is to become more accepting. Our improvement of living and thinking may be many; but often the insecurities remain—a fixture in our emotional landscape. We still work to be better and our improvements bless our futures—just not perfectly.