BLIND SPOTS: INSECURITIES AND JUSTIFICATIONS Not seeing reality
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Oh, those darn insecurities. Many emerge from childhood blind to essential realities for smooth functioning in a chaotic world. It’s not that we had terrible childhoods (too many do). Many struggling adults grew up in loving homes with caring, concerned parents but, for whatever reason, pop into adulthood with a collection of life-narrowing insecurities. Perhaps insecurities naturally flow from the dependence of childhood—an organism incapable of survival without parental protection. During our most formable years, our health, survival and well-being is in the hands of others.
Here we are adults, making a living, starting families of our own, and still reacting to our collection of insecurities, feeling shame triggered by the simplest interactions. Childhood insecurities are not fixed in intensity, they constantly change with time. They grow and diminish, some may even be discarded. Yet, for the most part, we must constructively live with the little monsters. In our society, confidence and strength signify power and health; admitting insecurity almost is repulsive, inviting scorn from others who likely hide their own stash of insecurities. Insecurities are the ultimate “elephant in the room.” If we believe insecurities signal weakness, we don’t easily accept them—we will bury, deny and justify, rather than accept the reality of our frailties.
Buried insecurities still survive, orchestrating powerful yanks to emotional strings. We feel strong emotional pulls during interactions—embarrassment, fear, anger and shame. Lack of awareness disjoints interpretations of these feelings instead of seeing the self-imposed fears; we point blame, avoid openness, and charge for escapes to avoid culpability. There’s no magic pill to courageous accept the self. The modern pseudo psychology over-simplifies the answers, often encouraging burying rather than acknowledging and working through emotional deficits. These denied aspects of self—insecurities—become blind spots, dragging us further from reality.
Encounters that trigger pain—inciting fear—are graspable events when understood from an accurate perspective, identifying pre-existing insecurities. With vision, we effectively navigate and respond to experience. But when insecurities thrive unnoticed, they permeate our being, charging interactions with energy; but the energy is misdirected, dodging responsibility through destructive blame—I feel bad; you caused it. Without mindful awareness of blinding and protecting biases, we use creative explanations, protecting our ego, and relieving the strains of personal work. We act on blind spots. We see wrongs that don’t exist.
"With vision, we effectively navigate and respond to experience. But when insecurities thrive unnoticed, they permeate our being, charging interactions with energy; but the energy is misdirected, dodging responsibility through destructive blame."
Self-justification protects tender egos. When we realize that emotions discomfort the soul—a given of living—we are less inclined to demand others to always appease our sensitivities. Knowing we experience emotional peaks and valleys helps work through the vulnerabilities and accept support from outside resources. The walls of protection provided by denial disguise large portions of the self. We wince at the momentary self-revelations, justifying and denying the obvious. Without self-justification, we stand emotionally naked to the cold storms of regrets and losses. We pacify our egos, ignoring the evidence of broken relationships, wayward children, and lost employment by projecting the failures on others, weeping at our misfortunes, and boldly claiming innocents. Self-righteousness is very lonely.
These ego protections stymie growth. By facing the reality--including responsibility in our past hurts—we discover important truths. Insecurities don’t determine value. We can accept personal responsibility with dignity. Clearer vision creates healthier responses. Current relationship struggles can be constructively addressed. The acceptance of failures teaches wisdom. Most failures are not serious character flaws but common mistakes made by ordinary people living in a complex world. We are weak but we are strong. We are blind but aware. The weakness and limitations of our dynamic existence are just part of the puzzle. We live with the incompleteness of knowledge but still survive. We feel, we love, we work. Some days are happy others are sad. The failures impart wisdom, building the foundation for future success.