Flourishing Life Society
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Addiction Recovery
    • Books to Flourish
    • Human Flourishing
    • Mindfulness Archive
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive
    • Non-Profit Donation Links
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Basic Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
      • Emotional Fitness
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Flourishing Relationships
    • Intimate Relationship Articles >
      • Repair Attempts
    • Society and Others Archive >
      • Politics Archive
  • Health and Fitness
  • About Us
Home | Personal Development | Meaning and Purpose Archive | Quiet Life of Desperation

A Quiet Life of Desperation

 BY: T. Franklin Murphy  | April 2013 (edited March 30, 2022)
A peacefully, sleeping infant. An article on desperation but failure to change.
Adobe Stock Photos
We quietly endure a life we despise; but then fail to make meaningful change.
Rainbows and bunny rabbits—some live in a fantasy world. I’m okay with that. This isn’t the world I live in. I have a good life, wonderful wife, comfortable house and a running car. I seldom go hungry and when I do it’s because of poor-planning, and bothersome distractions—not insufficient resources. But no matter how much exercise, yoga and positive endeavors, the wrecking ball of reality forcefully swings and knocks me on my butt. Skinned knees and bloodied elbows I crawl, then walk and then stand tall again—until the next burst of reality strikes.

Life doesn’t suck; it just is. Neither designed for flourishing or floundering; the universe is survival friendly. Species naturally tend for their young until their young are sufficiently strong to survive outside the nest or nursery. Survival for young requires complete reliance on caregivers. A young child cannot face the complexities of this world; it’s too dangerous. Humans heavily dependent on brains and not brawn require extensive nurturing, waiting for learning to catch-up with the physical development. We need smarts to survive and wisdom to flourish, implementing strategies to work through the peculiarities of our society and human challenges.  
During childhood, guided and protected by caregivers, we learn essential survival skills and the fortunate, living in nurturing rich environments, are introduced to flourishing. Before being pushed into the uncertain (and sometimes uncaring) world, we are trained. Childhood training isn’t equal. Caregivers bring varying resources to parenting. Some parents conscientiously prepare their children while others haphazardly drag them through their chaotic life.

Success as adults is correlated with healthy up-bringing; but we’re not sentenced to failure when parenting was poor. Amazingly, the human drive can change the trajectory. We can take what was given and succeed. New wise choices ease future difficulties; developing skills that sharpen our responses. Careless choices magnify difficulties ruining the boost of a healthy childhood or magnifying the challenges learned from the past.

Those least prepared tend to make the poorest choices, creating even more difficulties to overcome, with limited skills and narrow approaches, they then face an increasingly difficult life.
"Amazingly, the human drive can change the trajectory. We can take what was given and succeed."

Fear of Uncertainty

Adults usually meet life’s demands. We’re survivors. I’ve worked in a large city for nearly two decades. I’ve become familiar with many of the faces and stories wandering, sleeping and living within the small confines of the City Park and giant buildings. Survivors. Many have lived on the streets for decades. They survive. They find food and shelter to survive. The stresses stretch their mental resources, borrowing energy for growth to focus on mere survival.

​Many of these survivors suffered childhoods parched from neglect. Instead of healthy habits, they found debilitating addictions to sooth the pain, creating a puzzle nearly impossible to solve.
 
Unlike the small child, adults possess a greater foundation to judge experience, more aware of hidden dangers. We can prepare for unseen threats, accidents, and sicknesses—even death. Part of us longs for the childhood security of loving caregivers that governed and protected our lives. But childhood security came with vulnerability. Complete protection requires complete dependence. A dangerous combination in adult relationships, creating susceptibility to abuse.
 
We experience fear when confronted with uncertainties. But success demands continue to act, moving according to expected outcomes without certainty of success. The courageous accept this uncertainty, trusting in their strength and leaning on outside support. Condemned to live with uncertainty, we must manage fear and act with confidence. If we agonize over the unknowns, anxiety decreases opportunities for growth, forcing more attention to survival. Too much fear stagnates growth.

We avoid novel experiences, because of distasteful pasts with novelty. Our fear impacts the future. Avoidance offers security but with a heavy cost. Unhappy relationships continue, unfulfilling jobs remain, and dissatisfaction spreads. We complain about the pain but fail to create a remedy to change reoccurring themes. Our complaints fulfill a need, fooling the mind, addressing the discomfort, but never implementing an active solution.

Suffering and Life

We don’t choose to suffer. We just do. We live in fear of the unknowns while enduring dissatisfaction of the known; secretly living in quiet desperation. An escape requires venturing into the darkness of our fears—abandoning the security of the known and creating a change. We stagnate when fears blindly push us into the mire; our reactionary habits keep the richness of life beyond our grasp. Habits created for protection confine us to the same miseries. We mortgage futures by protecting the present; but keep agonies of unfulfillment alive.
 
We can’t change patterns without recognition of their existence. By examining our lives, we reveal hidden habits, quietly serving the present, steering us clear of anxiety necessary for growth.
 
We fail in many ways. But failures provide insights and wisdom. Failing to try offers very little. The call is to wake up! Expose the destructive patterns of avoidance creating the quiet desperation of an unfulfilled life.
Please support Flourishing Life Society with a social media share or by visiting a link:
Twitter Reddit LinkedIn Email
T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Key Word Archives
Research
About Flourishing Life
Psychology Definitions Data Base Link
Wellness Links:
External Link. 3 Strategies For Beating Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
External Link. Do Positive Affirmations Work?
External Link: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self
External Link: Why You Should Stop Binge-Watching
External Link. 5 psychologist-approved tips for boosting self-esteem
External Link: Why you find it so difficult to be nice to yourself
External Link: Want to be happier? Try getting to know yourself

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

Internal Link: Pursuit of Happiness | If the sole purpose of our existence is to increase pleasure, we will never be satisfied. Living a full and rich life experiences many emotions. Happiness is a balance of healthy thoughts and growth promoting actions.
Moods interfere with interpretation of life. Stepping back with understanding helps to modify these stinkers.
We have habits that destroy, intruding on our lives, and damaging futures. We can change. We can remove the thorns and break the chains to become more and enjoy life.
FLS internal link. Courage to Become: We need to courage to reach past comfort zones and encourage personal growth.
A Flourishing Life Society link. Healthy Skills
We are surrounded by beauty. In the struggles of daily choice, we need to slow down, smell the sweetness and then get back to work.
Internal Link. Self: Here I am. The consciousness of self is complex. We are dynamic beings interacting with ever-changing environments. For stability, we need a concept of self. Too firm a concept and we are limited and deceived, to weak and we have no anchor.
FLS internal Link. Life's Journey: Structure and Chaos.
Banner link: Punishing Imperfection-  Critical self-judgments create an unfriendly environment for growth. Under harsh conditions the self-begins to conceal reality to protect the soul.
Flourishing Life Society article link. Evolutionary novices, learning to adapt to a fast changing world
When life overwhelms and our efforts fall flat, we sometimes learn to not fight, and quietly suffer.
We, like the acorn, have great potential. We, unlike the acorn, are empowered beyond our environments. We can create environments that gives more of the nutrients and protection that we need.

Flourishing Life Society Article Collections:

2017 article archive link
Bias article archive link
Emotional Attunement article archive link
Picture
2019 article archive link
Picture
A Flourishing Life Article link. A Quiet Life of Desperation
Picture
Flourishing Life Society
  • Human Flourishing
  • Psychology of Wellness
  • Flourishing Relationships
  • Psychology Definitions​
​Other Links
  • About US
  • Companion Site​
  • Most Popular Articles
  • Psychology Topics A-z
Articles:
  • New Articles​
  • Last year's Publications​
​Favorites:
  • Self-Actualization
  • Emotional Safety
  • Alexithymia
  • ​Emotional Detachment
  • Masochistic Personality
  • Reciprocal Deteminism ​
News Letter

    New Article Updates

Subscribe to Newsletter
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Addiction Recovery
    • Books to Flourish
    • Human Flourishing
    • Mindfulness Archive
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive
    • Non-Profit Donation Links
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Basic Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
      • Emotional Fitness
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Flourishing Relationships
    • Intimate Relationship Articles >
      • Repair Attempts
    • Society and Others Archive >
      • Politics Archive
  • Health and Fitness
  • About Us