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Coping by Avoidance

Avoidance has Personal Costs

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | May 2015 (edited February 25, 2022)

Man trapped in box. A Flourishing Life Society article on Avoidance

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Avoidance relieves stress in the moment; but habitual running carries a high price, impacting futures, and limiting growth.

During my first semester of college, I fell behind in a few classes; procrastination was the culprit. The accumulating assignments overwhelmed my first taste of self-organization. Living on my own and trying to earn enough to survive, I experienced the anxiety of existence for the first time. The psychological load outmatched my mental resources; too proud to seek help, I dropped most of my classes. My decision to withdraw delivered immediate relief. I experienced comfort by giving-up.

By giving-up, we conserve mental energy, relieving anxiety; defeat is deceivingly soothing. Quitting and moving on is not always wrong, sometimes we need space to heal, instead of working at a failed cause until we collapse. But quitting has a cost. We trade relief for accomplishment.

Key Definition:

Avoidance coping is a strategy of avoiding stressors rather than deal with them.

For me, a few extra weeks of late-night work would have prevented retaking mandatory classes. Always retreating, gaining temporary relief quickly becomes a bad habit; better futures require enough grit to face tough demands. Stress is uncomfortable. And stress heightens as we extend beyond normal comfort zones. The great achievements lie beyond the valleys of stress.

Stress is Good; Too Much Stress is Bad

Stress is good; too much stress is bad according to the Diathesis stress model.

Improved futures require we perform with moderate stress. When we realize the connection between stress and achievements, the knowledge bolsters our resolve to march forward into the shadowy unknowns, maintaining composure when the pressure ignites fear and the still doing what we must do.

Hans Selye (1907–1982) revolutionized concepts about stress. He theorized that stress impacted wellness in many ways. He developed the general adaptation syndrome to describe the impact of stress. Selye believed that "stress is the spice of life," arising from both pleasant and unpleasant activities. Our goal, then, is not freedom from all stress, but rather to keep stress in manageable portions (Krech, 2012, Kindle location 759).

Key Concept:

Stress is essential for growth when kept within an optimum range. Too much stress and we feel overwhelmed and shutdown; too little stress and we stagnate.

We must scrutinize the impulse to escape roughness. These pulsing desires can be destructive. Whether we simply give up, shoot up, or run away, we default to devastating habits that promise a life of pain. Choices made unconsciously through impulsive reaction must be reevaluated for effectiveness, examining the short and long-term costs of escape.

Many of us have some unhealthy reactions to stress that impede our growth—we just don’t know it. We must dodge the ego and accept responsibility, honestly examining past choices, unveiling the nasty patterns. Sadly, without insight, we will continue to flee opportunity to avoid stress, never achieving our intentions.

Person chained to ball. Avoidance: Flourishing Life Society Article

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Managing stress is a skill, requiring more than grappling with pain by powering through it. We use tools to assist, soothing anxiety and giving hope. The tools shouldn’t be a surprise—meditation, exercise, healthy eating, rest and supportive friends. As we mindfully examine our lives, discovering avoidance and learn better skills to address the stress, we will seize more opportunities.

Pull up your big boy and girl britches and courageously move toward the life you desire.

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T. Franklin Murphy

Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.