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Home  |  Flourishing in Life  | Psychology of Wellness | Blind Spots

Blind Spots: Insecurities and Justifications

BY: T. Franklin Murphy  | November 2016 (edited October 25, 2021)
a young woman in emotional distress, holding her hands to her head. A Flourishing Life Society article on insecurities and protective adaptations
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We worry about our standing with others, creating insecurities. We protect against the feelings through blind spots where we overlook reality and miss opportunities to grow.
Oh, those darn insecurities. Many emerge from childhood blind to essential realities to operate smoothly in this chaotic world. It’s not that we had terrible childhoods (too many do). Many struggling adults grew up in loving homes with caring, concerned parents, but for whatever reason, emerge into adulthood with a collection of life-narrowing insecurities. Perhaps insecurities naturally flow from the dependence of childhood—we all began as an organism incapable of survival without parental protection. During our most formable years, our health, survival and well-being was in the hands of others. 

Here we are adults, making a living, starting families, and still reacting to silly fears of insufficiency, whacked by shame that is triggered by the simplest interactions. Childhood insecurities are not fixed in intensity, they vary over time. They grow and diminish; some fears may even be discarded. Yet, for the most part, we must constructively live with the little monsters.

​In our society, confidence and strength signify power and health; admitting insecurity almost is repulsive, inviting scorn from others who likely hide their own stash of insecurities. Insecurities are the ultimate “elephant in the room.” If we believe insecurities signal weakness, we don’t easily accept them—we bury, deny and justify, rather than accept the reality of our frailties.

Key Definition:

Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy, a nagging feeling of not being good enough. Insecurity stirs anxiety over goals, relationships, and ability to handle new situations. Insecurity also invites defensive adaptations to soothe discomforting fears.
​In our society, confidence and strength signify power and health; admitting insecurity almost is repulsive, inviting scorn from others who likely hide their own stash of insecurities. Insecurities are the ultimate “elephant in the room.” If we believe insecurities signal weakness, we don’t easily accept them—we bury, deny and justify, rather than accept the reality of our frailties.

Buried Insecurities Continue to Impact our Lives

Buried insecurities still survive, orchestrating powerful yanks to emotional strings. We feel strong emotional pulls during interactions—embarrassment, fear, anger and shame. Lack of awareness disjoints interpretations of these feelings, instead of seeing the self-imposed fears, we point blame, avoid openness, and seek escapes to avoid culpability. There’s no magic pill to courageously accept the self. The modern pseudo psychology over-simplifies the answers, often encouraging burying rather than working through emotional deficits. These denied aspects of self—insecurities—become blind spots that drag us further from reality.
 

"​Insecurity often causes negative thoughts about one’s ability to fit in with peers, reach goals, or find acceptance and support."
Good Therapy
Encounters that trigger pain—inciting fear—are graspable events when understood from a secure standing, that allows a less tainted perspective, compassionately identifying accompanying insecurities that magnify the feelings.

​With vision, we effectively navigate and respond to experience. But when insecurities thrive unnoticed, they permeate our being, charging interactions with heavy doses of energy; but the power is misdirected with blinding and protecting biases. We adopt creative explanations, protecting our ego, and relieving the strain while overlooking the need to engage in personal work. We act on our blind spots. We see wrongs that don’t exist.
"The modern pseudo psychology over-simplifies the answers, often encouraging the burying of emotions rather than working through the deficits."

Self Justifications

Self-justification protects tender egos. When we widen our comprehension of emotions—a biological given of living—we are less inclined to demand others to appease our sensitivities. Knowing we experience emotional peaks and valleys helps mediate the emotion, creating space to work through vulnerabilities and accept support.
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Our walls of protection disguise the tender vulnerabilities (they still exist and motivate action). We wince at self-revelations that give glimpses into our souls. We don’t want to see so we justify and deny the obvious. Without self-justification, we stand emotionally naked, exposed to the cold storms of regret and loss. We pacify our egos, ignoring the evidence of broken relationships, wayward children, and lost employment by projecting the failures on others; we weep at our misfortunes, and boldly claim innocents. Self-righteousness is very lonely.
"Take inventory of everything you’re doing right. Chances are, your thoughts about yourself aren’t taking into account the hundreds of positive micro-decisions we make on a daily basis."
 
Cindy Lamothe
These ego protections stymie growth. By facing the reality—including responsibility for past hurts—we discover important truths. Insecurities don’t diminish value. We can accept personal responsibility with dignity. Clearer vision creates healthier responses. Current relationship struggles can be constructively addressed. The acceptance of failures teaches wisdom. Most failures are not serious character flaws, but common mistakes made by ordinary people living in a complex world. We are weak, but also, we strong. We are blind but visionary.

​The weakness and limitations of our dynamic existence are part of the complexity puzzle. We live with the incompleteness of knowledge but still survive. We feel, we love, we work. Some days are happy others are sad. Our failures impart wisdom, building the foundation for future success.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Flourishing Topics
​Books to Flourish
Psychological Definitions
Research
About Flourishing Life

External Links:
External Link:  Believing in the Power of Your Subconscious Mind Can Change Your Life
External Link: Why It’s So Powerful for Men to Admit Their Faults
External Link: Turbocharge Your Brain
External Link: My Relationship With My Daughter Is Full of Love and Loss
External Link:  Study finds upper-class people attribute achievements to hard work when faced
Wellness on the Web
External Link: Self-Awareness and Social Responsibility
External Link: Fighting Back against the Stigma of Addiction
External Link: Turning Failure Into Purpose
External Link: The 3 Areas of Your Adult Life Most Affected by Childhood Emotional Neglect

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

Liberation from Descriptive Words of Self. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Uncertainty Avoidance. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Inner Strength. Psychological and Emotional Capital. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Deceptions: A Maladaptive Response to Stress. A Flourishing Life Society article link
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Fear of Failure
Internal Link Banner for catastrophizing.
We unwittingly promote unhealthy defense mechanisms on line. There are plenty pf social media participants willing to support life limiting adaptations.
The breathe brings life to the body, feeding the heart and brain. Mindful attention to this life giving process can change our lives.
Internal FLS link. Victim Consciousness: We learn patterns of engagement. Transactional Analysis defines many of these patterns, giving greater clarity to misguided human transactions. The perpetual victim often overlooks avenues of escape, relying on superficial support for strokes of attention. We can recognize these patterns and provide a more healing response.
Autobiographical Memories. A Psychology Definition of Autobiographical Memories. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Experience burns into the networks of the brain, creating a map to quickly assess new experience
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Blind Spots. Insecurities and Justification. A Flourishing Life Society article links
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