Sometimes I Cry

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BY: T. Franklin Murphy | April 2018 (edited March 18, 2022)

Sometimes I cry. A picture of a woman with tears flowing down her cheeks. A Flourishing Life Society article on relationships and sorrows.

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Mixed in with the beauty of close relationships are some sorrows. Occasionally, along with the joys are also some tears.

What’s wrong with crying? There is a time and a place for everything. Social expectations often dictate when and when not to cry. But how about crying in relationships? If a partner does something that makes you cry, is the partner bad and undeserving of the graces of our greatness?

A few years ago, I stumbled on this quote from Gabriel García Márquez:

“Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry.”

I cry for many reasons. Life is beautiful. I enjoy many things; but there are also times for sadness. I have been hurt. The people who hurt me aren’t bad people. Even the best people make a few selfish choices.

I don’t want a heart of stone—impenetrable to hurt. I can be hurt, I can cry, not because people are bad and undeserving of my love but because occasional sadness accompanies intimate connections. My partner, my family, and my friends may occasionally hurt me, not because they are unworthy but because they are human or. perhaps, because I foster unrealistic expectations.

Perhaps Gabriela is referring to more than tears. Dreadfully, some partners, lost in their own worlds, grind our will, attempting to subjugate us to their chaotic needs. These partners may not be worthy of our tears or time. We must seek safety, protecting our souls from their destructive worlds.

I cry.

Dreadfully some partners, lost in their own worlds, grind our will, attempting to subjugate us to their chaotic needs.

I gratefully have discovered many people worthy of my tears. I make room for their independence—even when their independence hurts. They’re free to choose. Their choice displays their individualism—I wouldn’t wish them to be my subjects. A child may foray down forsaken paths fraught with dangers; but if of age, I must allow them to choose—and cry when they suffer. They are worthy of my tears. With age, I proficiently work through discomfort—not perfectly. I let go of the unrealistic expectations.

"Crying is a healthy reaction to grief and grief is a healthy reaction to losing someone that we love."
The Good Grief Trust

Some hurts I share, while others I acknowledge and let pass through on their own. If I cry, I care. Unfortunately, some people coldly harden their hearts, undisturbed by our pain. They seek personal goals at all costs. These people are still human, perhaps damaged in childhood or suffering from a biological short; but for personal well-being, we should limit our interactions with them to escape needless sorrows and frustrations. These people deserve tears. But we can’t afford to give them our lives.

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