Gentle Encouragement; Without Blame
Escaping Domestic Violence
BY: Troy Murphy |February 2012

Purpose effort
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I proceed with gentleness because of the sensitivity of this topic—domestic violence.
 
The emotionally destructive relationship is an epidemic. We are surrounded by violence. These painful relationships quietly pull the unwilling and unknowing participants in through gentle webs of deceit. Often the dangerousness of the relationship is unknown until the victims are deeply enmeshed in the relationship. The stigma associated with abusive relationships compounds difficulties. Even after abuse is recognized, the victims discover seeking help is extremely difficult. The process of recognition and escaping often extends over years, robbing precious time from lives. The abuse narrows views of the perpetrator and the victim, strangling growth and inviting deceptive coping mechanisms. Abuse is fertile ground for dysfunctional thinking. I spoke to a protective victim of a vicious attack with staples still holding together a gashing head wound from a ferocious strike, she lashed at investigative questions, “You are blowing this way out of control.”
The cycle of violence (Loving, anger, violence, sorrow) is an informative pictograph but is incomplete. It focuses on a small fraction of the cycle, skipping over the deep feelings intimately part of each position. A whole myriad of emotions, behaviors, unhealthy needs, insecurities, and faulty thinking play a part in this life-destroying-cycle; both partners playing a role and both paying a significant price.
 
The courage to break free requires many resources—both internal and external.
The good news: you can overcome the obstacles; escape is possible. Millions have escaped the violence and moved forward to a better life. We obtain freedom by humbly accepting the reality of our situation and courageously reach out for help. The promises, small improvements, and apologizes often are shallow, just another turn in an on going drama. Hope derived from short term changes are shattered again and again.
 
None of us are perfect; we all struggle. But no one deserves abuse. There is no excuse for the abuse. Accept it for what it is-unwarranted, unhealthy, and destructive; get help.
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