Flourishing Life Society
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships
Home  | Flourishing Relationships | Example of Kindness

Example of Gentle Kindness

Alzheimer's Disease and My Dad's Gentle Kindness

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | March 24,  2021 (edited November 11, 2021)
An older man outside. A Flourishing Life Society article on gentleness and kindness
Is kindness innate or something we develop? I believe it is a combination of the two.
No matter how much we prepare, we repeatedly are called to face new challenges. The nature of life. Our family is no different. Seven years ago, my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. While it has been difficult to watch an extremely capable man slowly dissolve into complete dependence, I also watched other personal characteristics of his stay intact, some characteristics that even become more salient as the fluff of cognitive existence retreats. My dad is a gentle, kind, and loving man. He was then and he remains so now.

I realize that mind, brain and personality are complex, far beyond our inadequate comprehension and fractured theories. Perhaps, variations of dementia brings out different characteristics without involvement of an innate self. I believe, however, that our life time work of neuro-developments, neuronal connections, biological propensities, and personality strengths and weaknesses continue to some degree even as our brain slowly disconnects.
As I look back at my childhood and a life time of interactions with my dad, I remember he was stern but caring. Thirty-five years of our adult relationship has existed without a single sour encounter. As much as a strong willed, opinionated and sensitive man that I am, I find this highly unusual. I am blessed.
"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
​Saint Basil
I spent last week with my dad. His gentle kindness remains unimpaired. He forgets which child I am, where I live, and if I have children, but he is happy to see me. Each meal is delicious, each day wonderful, and each experience delightful.

Unencumbered by the stresses of tomorrow, his kind, gentle nature has ballooned, radiating the room with warmth, acceptance, and appreciation. 
​

Nature or Nurture?

I see myself as a kind gentle man but it takes so much work. Underneath my façade I present to the world, bubbles a lot of impulsive meanness. Gratefulness, when experienced, is typically accomplished through purposeful redirecting of thoughts. I must blunt hurtful and angry impulses before they materialize and destroy. One never knows, perhaps, my dad fought malicious, beastly, or ugly impulses too.

Maybe only through a lifetime of hard won kindness was his inner beast subdued and tamed. 

The Parable of the Two Wolves

A grandfather says to his grandson, “In life, there are two wolves inside each of us which are always at battle. 

One is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery, and love.

The other is a bad wolf which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear”.

The grandson ponders the parable for a moment, then curiously asks, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
​
The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

Loss of Suppression

I'm frightened. The disease has ravished multiple generations before me. Am I next? Will loss of my ability to suppress expose my meanness that is neatly tucked away. Will I respond to those momentary surges of anger or fear?
"We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
Abraham Lincoln
Buddha taught that, "It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."

Perhaps, this victory over self is obtained through the habitual feeding of the good wolf inside—being kind, brave and loving. This victory, I hope, cannot be taken from us, even by the hands of a horrific disease.

I am grateful for the example of my dad, and all those like him, that have lived a life of gentle kindness, both in health and illness. They give me strength and hope. These successful examples of greatness feed my desire to reach a little higher, be a little kinder, and show a little more patience. 
Please support Flourishing Life Society with a social media share or by visiting a link:
Twitter Reddit LinkedIn Email
T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Research
About Flourishing Life
External Links:
External Link: Do You Fall in Love Fast, Easily, and Often?
External Link: How Emotion Regulation Skills Promote Stability
External Link: Life Gets Better When You Start To Think of It As a Spectrum
External Link: 12 emotional regulation skills to calm inner chaos
External Link: It’s Not What You Know, It’s How You Think

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

FLS link. Mean People. Why are People so Mean?
Eudaimonia: Living Well and Doing Good. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Internal Link: Cause of Sorrows
FLS Internal Link. Selfish or Selfless: Individuals and societies need attention. A society of individuals completely self focused crumbles. An individual completely dedicated to the group, ignoring personal needs dissolves into the mass. We need a healthy balance.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Fear of Abandonment
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Gestalt Prayer
The strength of the relationship is exposed by how we treat a partner when irritable, or stressed. Love requires intentional action.
Living a virtuous life is never accomplished in perfection; we integrate ethical standards one small step at a time.
Kindsight. A Flourishing Life Society article link
We need connections; but the world doesn't need vaguely hidden intentions. We need soul felt kindness.
Link: The Need to Please. The choice between self and others is the basic human dilemma. There is no final answer, finding balance requires constant appraisal and adjustments.
Flourishing Life Society article link. More than Meets the Eyes. There is always more to the story
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Legacy of Love
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Emotionally Connected. Attuning to a Partner's Feelings
Masochistic Personality Traits. A Flourishing Life Society psychology definition.
The strength of our nation and world will come from more open-mindedness. When we blame, shun, or attack others because of differences, everyone loses. We live in fear and bigoted hate.

Flourishing Life Society Article Collections:

2017 article archive link
Bias article archive link
Emotional Attunement article archive link
Top performing article link
2019 article archive link
2020 article collection
Example of Kindness. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Picture
Flourishing Life Society
  • Human Flourishing
  • Psychology of Wellness
  • Flourishing Relationships
  • Psychology Definitions​
  • Privacy Policy
​Other Links
  • About US
  • Companion Site​
  • Most Popular Articles
  • Psychology Topics A-z
Articles:
  • New Articles​
  • Last year's Publications​
  • External Psychology Links​
​Favorite Topics:
  • Mental Illness Archive
  • Personality Archive
  • Personal Development
  • Psychology of Emotions
News Letter

    New Article Updates

Subscribe to Newsletter
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships