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Home  |  Flourishing in Life  | Psychology of Wellness | Finding Peace

Finding Peace

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | May 2016
We encounter troubles but can enjoy momentary escapes.
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 The Joys of Momentary Solitude

We encounter troubles but can enjoy momentary escapes.
In the depths of struggles, where do we find peace? Too many quiet days, and the tediousness bores us, insufficient days of rest and life overwhelms. We must find middle ground to avoid the sluggishness of overwhelm and the laziness of stagnation. Some need to be prodded to act while others must be forced to rest. The body—and mind—are not machines. We tire and quickly become depleted. For some constant activity serves as an escape from the ghosts haunting their mind, others need the reassurance of work to prove their worth; but the unrelenting pace damage the soul and the body. Our bodies and minds need restful moments to properly integrate the troublesome backdrop of living. The peaceful escape is most salient during troubled times. During the darkness of difficulty, a few moments of peace rejuvenates the soul and re-energizes the body.
#peace #wellness #wellbeing #flourishinglife
We experience rough patches; an unexpected blast knocks the air out of us, dashing hopes. During the late months of 2008 and into 2009, I suffered a divorce, loss of a life’s work of equity, and an unexpected lawsuit that forced eventual bankruptcy. I continued to function but not well; but when I lost contact with a supportive friend, I collapsed in despair. Hopes of recovery—a possible new life—crumbled. Short spurts of sleep provided my only escape, only intervening when complete exhaustion triumphed the over-active mind. Painful ruminations continually intruded spanning over a dark fifteen months of mental hell.
 
I’m not special; the experience was more poignant because I’m the one that felt it. Most people encounter similar moments of suffering. That was my time. However, the ashes of ruin fertilize the soil for beautiful new beginnings. In the deepest moments of despair, I discovered peace.
"However, the ashes of ruin fertilize the soil for beautiful new beginnings."
The light of peace—although only monetarily—broke through the agonizing days; at first just a flash, piercing through the darkness, delighting my soul. I could feel it. I relished the moment and then it quickly vanished. A momentary glimpse at the possibility of healing. My mind was still at war, but the ceasefire gave hope. The first taste of peace came with a simple nonjudgmental awareness of the pain. A quiet acceptance without a forced plan to heal. This first joyous escape was soon followed in the proceeding days with other peaceful encounters. Peace became a regular visitor, still in simple short bursts. In the sacred moments of pain, I discovered peace. The life problems remained, still haunting progress; but with the moments of tranquility gracing my life, I could begin the process of rebuilding.
 
Emotional unrest challenges self-confidence, dampens hope and discourages action; even when action is essential for recovery. Following painful experience, the body delves into a mire of thoughts and feelings. Our brain organizes experience—emotions and thoughts—to create a coherent story.  We experience life through the lens of meaning—the meanings we assign.
 
We search for answers; Why do I feel this way? What does this mean? How do I escape these feelings?
Our mind fumbles ​for answers, giving meaning to experience. Graspable meaning creates a sense of control—escape from vulnerability. We give meaning to experiences even when we have insufficient knowledge of the causes. Our meanings are influenced by our moods. When lost in sorrow, our explanations are sorrowful, adding to despair by finding catastrophic meaning to mundane events. Our answers (no matter how eloquent) can’t explain away the pain. The lover is still gone, the bill collector still knocks, and the future still menacingly looms beyond control.
 
Stopping the incessant flow of thought, even for a moment, invites breaks in the action, giving space for refreshing moments of peace. We must purposely invite the space. The mind gets dragged into finding answers that don’t exist. When resolutions are unavailable, the wheels of the mind continue to spin, sinking deeper into the unforgiving sludge of the unknown; the more the wheels spin, the deeper the mind sinks. Often information emerges solving the problems that have us stuck; but this doesn’t always happen at our command. We must wait. During the dark waiting periods when causes are unknown, and futures are put on hold, we need a mental escape. We need the respite to prevent overwhelm; outmatched by experience to prevent the depression, discouragement and helplessness that are sure to follow.
The practice of mindfulness directs awareness away from words and towards feelings. This practice works well with nature, exercise, and meditation. We momentarily excuse ourselves from the normal practice of understanding with words, assigning meaning (with words) and creating connections; stopping thought flow from this flooded world of words may be awkward at first. Our initial attempts to disengage and focus on feeling often challenges our resolve as our mind stubbornly continues to return to thoughts and explanations. We must catch the wandering mind and redirect it—over and over and over. This engages the mind in a new process, momentarily distracting the painful ruminations, focusing on feelings without judgement, without explanations, and without words—just feeling. Eventually these practices invite new encounters with peace, providing momentary relief from troubles, and refreshing the mind before reengaging with life.
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FLS Link. Self-forgiveness: Genuine self-forgiveness is a process of accepting responsibility, working through the emotions, repairing damage, and recommitting to values.
FLS link. The Joy of Being. We find joy in living through a more serene path than accumulation and achievement. We find joy in relishing small moments of simply being.
Emotions start a biological reaction preparing the body to respond; but sometimes the response destroys.
FLS internal Link. Mental Fatigue and Emotional Responses: Our minds get tired. A prolonged flow of strong emotion exhausts our brains and we break, saying and doing things we would otherwise prevent. We must accept this biological given, avoid circumstances where exhaustion is probable, and repair hurt feelings when we respond harshly to those who we love.
Life is taxing. We face daily challenges to maintain relationships and succeed. Momentary escapes to rejuvenate the soul.
We live in a dynamic environment. When planning, we can't account for all possibilities. We must be flexible.
Past memories influence emotions and emotions motivate action. Learning the connections helps us identify when pasts and emotions are interfering with desired futures.
We are not constrained to live chained to unwholesome and meddling thoughts, with work, our thoughts can constructively serve our interests.

External Links:
External Link: The Art of Solitude
External Link: Three Lessons I Learned From Job Rejection
External Link: Neuroscience Learns What Buddhism Has Known For Ages: Mindfulness
External Link: 3 Ways to Meditate for Better Sleep
Link: We live imperfect lives, slipping below the ideals we hold. We can either make room for the imperfections or distort our vision of reality.
We live in a noisy world that absorbs every quiet moment. We must recapture peace, revel in the quietness and reflect on life.
FLS link. Mindfulness and calming the mind; Thoughts can pull us from the present and land us in a world of worry and regret. Through a developed practice of mindfulness, we can better sooth our agitated mind and re-discover peace.
Emotions can suck us into destructive cycles.
Intimacy bridges the gap between two people, facilitating exchanges that reach deeper than words could ever express.
Sustainable joy is more than present pleasure. The best lives comes from actions that produce joy over time, not just momentary amusement.
Wellness on the Web
External Link: How to Slow Your Racing Mind
External Link: Mindfulness linked to heightened interpersonal forgiveness
External Link: 3 Ways to Meditate for Better Sleep
External Link:  New Study Proves How Mindfulness Helps Anxiety & Trauma
FLS link-- Emotional Regulation: Emotions energize and push for action. Healthy regulation capitalizes on the richness of emotion and directs the energy towards life objectives.
Discovering ourselves is a lifetime process, requiring purposely digging a little deeper, and challenging comforting beliefs. Self-enlightenment can fuel heroic changes in our course of development.
Wellness on the Web
External Link: Could meditation boost cognitive function?
External Link: Meaningful Results from Meditation Research
External Link: I Found my Passion--& I hit Rock Bottom.
We encounter troubles but can enjoy momentary escapes.
To flourish, we must attend to progress, not stagnating in the present but on a course of improvement of mind, spirit and body.
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