Fueling the Flames of Anger

Fueling the Flames of Anger

BY: T, Franklin Murphy | September 2018

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We encounter unpleasant and angering events often. The emotion is normal; but how we think about triggering events either fuels the anger or douses it, so we can act in tune with long-term intentions.

Brooding over perceived wrongs fuels the fire, trapping us within its wrath, preventing constructive action. Our thoughts expand, contract and mitigate the original feeling of experience—either for our benefit or detriment. We are emotional creatures. We will experience the unpleasantness of anger. Sometimes this rascal emotion motivates appropriate swift action, protecting our rights and the rights of others. Other times, however, we act in stupidity, destroying bonds that took years to build, and hurting the tender hearts that trust us with their safety.

Inevitably our egos get bruised as we bump into and negotiate with others. It’s the nature of life. Billions of people scurrying around this little planet with different goals, expectations, and purposes. There will be interactions where we cry, “foul.” Hurt calls us to action; we respond with force to defend—often with destructive ends not intended. But with caution (and time), the emotional demand for immediate action fades. The event triggering the emotion may still need addressing; but can be mindfully addressed constructively, with wisdom, and in-line with future goals.

"Hurt calls us to action; we respond with force to defend—often with destructive ends not intended."

Our sensitivity to hurt marks painful lessons for recall; our systems are protection oriented, making special note of dangers. Mulling over slights, we create meaning, labeling mundane actions with intent. What may have been an unintended overlook, becomes a purposeful attack. These self-created meanings fuel the fire, stoking destructive flames instead of self-disciplined dousing to cool the embers.

Actions of others occasionally hurt; but when we believe that action is purposeful, our anger swells and pushes for retaliation. Our minds are always active, filling in unknowns, creating dilemmas, and supporting theories. We get dragged in to thoughts of conspiracy without evidence. The car that cuts us off, the cross word from a spouse, the missed compliment in a staff meeting, usually are not planned attacks because we are not respected or liked. They are just the inevitable slights that each of us humans must occasionally process when living in this world populated by free-spirited individuals.

Taking a deep breath, step back and reframe the slight with other possible explanations. Usually, the catastrophe is no more than a passing event with little meaning. If we view hurtful behaviors in a more constructive way, entertaining alternate explanations, our thoughts soothe the intensity of the anger, giving space for a more constructive response.

FLS link-- Emotional Regulation: Emotions energize and push for action. Healthy regulation capitalizes on the richness of emotion and directs the energy towards life objectives.

FLS internal Link. Mental Fatigue and Emotional Responses: Our minds get tired. A prolonged flow of strong emotion exhausts our brains and we break, saying and doing things we would otherwise prevent. We must accept this biological given, avoid circumstances where exhaustion is probable, and repair hurt feelings when we respond harshly to those who we love.

Our emotions constantly flow through our bodies giving meaning to life. Integrating these emotions into a healthy experience is our challenge.

some emotions overtake are ability to react appropriately, interfering with goals.

Emotions are a significant aspect of living, giving meaning to experience; but strong emotions can misdirect action, destroying futures, and limiting opportunity.

Emotions lie beneath the surface, often unnoticed while they covertly hijack our motivation and push action.

Outside Links:

External Link: How To Regain Control Over The 5 Emotions Most Likely To Cause You Pain

External Link: Get a Grip--Mastering Your Emotional Life

External Link: Are My Emotions Lying to Me?

External Link: 7 Simple Ways to Deepen Your Emotional Intelligence

External Link: Five Ways to Use Your Anger More Effectively

External Link: Do you struggle to control your anger? Here’s how to manage.

link banner: We encounter unpleasant and angering events often. The emotion is normal; but how we think about triggering events either fuels the anger or douses it, so we can act in tune with long-term intentions.

Topics: Thoughts, Emotions, Anger

Fueling the Flames of Anger

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