Flourishing Life Society
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships

I'm Okay; You're Okay

Normal Ups and Downs
BY: T. Franklin Murphy | June 1, 2014 (modified January 9, 2023)

Accepting our self
Stock Adobe Royalty Free Images
The marketing for the well-being industry notoriously misleads, suggesting illness where we health resides.
​

Gnawing dissatisfaction with life drives hordes of seekers to the self-help industry, hoping to find the answers that will fill their emptiness. We want more; we want to feel better. The nagging discontent beckons action, demanding change because something must be missing— or dreadfully wrong. The self-help industry thrives on feelings of unhappiness, failure, and illness. We latch on to the thought that life is not good enough. After trillions of dollars spent by the lost to fix the sickness of ailing well-being, we must ask, “Has life improved?”

Maybe the constant beckoning of the well-being marketers that life can be improved magnifies our displeasure with the life we currently have, convincing us that we need help to experience more. We blatantly see these claims by advertisers of cars, cologne, and jewelry—why not well-being?

​Perhaps we’re okay just as we are. You’re okay! I’m okay! (The title of a popular self-help book during the 1960’s). Perhaps we don’t need a magical cure. Our experience—discomforts, struggles and all—is the way life is supposed to feel. We only feel it is wrong because we are told it is wrong—subpar. Maybe life without the occasional shadows of sorrow would be bland. An industry that continually sparks hope of a better life—with richness and fullness—possibly encourages the feelings of lack, disrupting appreciation of the moment. Maybe the marketing creates the need they are trying to rectify.
 
Of course, we can grow. Organisms naturally grow. With wisdom and practice, we enhance skills, improve planning and engage in better action. We gradually, with wisdom, sharpen our experience, remove distractions, and gain valuable knowledge. But growth is incremental—small and unremarkable. Our feelings of well-being remain indistinguishable from one week to another. On rare occasions, we may notice a rush of enlightenment, feel charged with joy, and glory in the new-found experience.

​Usually the magnitude of these feelings pass and we return to the small insignificant and unnoticed sways of feeling. We deplore the natural constant of feelings experienced through slow change because normal is boring compared to the unrealistic promises of gregarious peddlers. We mourn the normal and seek the exceptional. The imperfect existence we have becomes the enemy. We seek to transcend our biological inheritance of normalcy.

​Ideals, however, disappoint. They fail to reward with unbridled joy. We always want more. Constant attention to grand ideals magnifies feelings that something’s missing. Survival has become mundane and expected by most, we want novelty and joy—unending joy. Instead of accepting our biological existence for what it is—a bundle of emotions—we seek to manipulate feelings to gratify our experience.
 
Feelings are a product of recognized emotions.  Consciousness brings the emotion to our attention. Emotions are the biological guidance system for action—not servants to our desire for unconditional happiness. This approach to feeling ignore the purpose of emotion. With a pill or a distraction, we soothe the warning system and lose the wisdom. Emotions, a biological construction, serve an evolutionary purpose. We can improve how we express, understand and relate to emotional arousals but shouldn’t condemn feelings—whether discomforting or not.
 
You’re okay! I’m okay! We don’t need another program. Living doesn’t need to be a daily battle fighting against the currents of reality. You’re okay! I’m okay! Freeing ourselves from the burden of forced change, oddly enough, invites the beautiful change that we possibly seek.
​
T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.
Psychology Definitions Data Base Link
Banner link to Flourishing Life Society's Mindfulness articles
Personal Development. A Flourishing Life Society article data base link
Picture
Internal Link: Flagship article. Ten Beacons of Light.
Emotion article database
Defense Mechanisms. Flourishing Life Society article link
Flourishing Life Society Link. Emotional Fitness
Psychology of Wellness Banner link to Flourishing Life Society articles
Relationships article data base link
Human Flourishing. Flourishing Life Society article link

​
​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Negative Sentiment Override. A Flourishing Life Society article image link
Flourishing Life Society link. Self Respect
FLS link. A Narrative Identity that Heals: We write the story of our life. We create our identity through the narrative that we tell. We must create a narrative that heals our wounded souls.
The past doesn't disappear. When betrayed, the hurt lingers and interferes with future relationships.
Childhood Development and Life Trajectories. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Belongingness. Our Emotional and Psychological Need to Belong. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Some concepts of forgiveness cross into smug self-righteousness, others create personal harm by ignoring lessons that shouldn’t be forgotten. But moving forward from injury by abandoning grudges serves us and society well.
Patronizing Advice. The Curious Task of Writing About Wellness. A Flourishing Life Society article Image link
FLS link. Mean People. Why are People so Mean?
I'm Okay; You're Okay. Normal Ups and Downs. A Flourishing Life Society Link
Flourishing Life Society Article Link. Cycle of Personal Growth.
Social Exclusion and Loneliness. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Emotional Style. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Internal Link. Self: Here I am. The consciousness of self is complex. We are dynamic beings interacting with ever-changing environments. For stability, we need a concept of self. Too firm a concept and we are limited and deceived, to weak and we have no anchor.
I'm Okay; You're Okay. Normal Ups and Downs. A Flourishing Life Society Link
Picture
Flourishing Life Society
  • Human Flourishing
  • Psychology of Wellness
  • Flourishing Relationships
  • Psychology Definitions​
  • Privacy Policy
​Other Links
  • About US
  • Companion Site​
  • Most Popular Articles
  • Psychology Topics A-z
Articles:
  • New Articles​
  • Last year's Publications​
  • External Psychology Links​
​Favorite Topics:
  • Mental Illness Archive
  • Personality Archive
  • Personal Development
  • Psychology of Emotions
News Letter

    New Article Updates

Subscribe to Newsletter
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships