If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure?
Why is it that passion turns to pain for so many?
In If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? the authors explain this common painful experience through examples, scientific studies and focused commentary.
We are biologically programmed to desire intimate secure connections with others. Yet the desperate longing, failed efforts, emotional turmoil, jealousy and associated pain often leave us depressed and fearful.
The authors of this book report there are two main components to the experience of insecure love. The first component is anxiety. This is the constant fear of reciprocated love. Relationships are constantly put on trial to prove if the love object truly loves us in return. An unanswered text, an unemotional response, or a glance at another person can spike the anxiety and stir rage. The second component often associate with insecure love is obsession with the loved one.
"A person who experiences romantic insecurity tends to be both anxious and obsessed. For such a person, love is a tempestuous experience, involving a range of emotions: on the one hand, excitement, joy, and sexual arousal; on the other, distress, fear, shame, anger, contempt, and disgust. Everyone feels these emotions sometimes, but the person who is insecure in love feels them especially intensely and often goes quickly from one extreme to the other."
This book does not just define insecure love but finishes with guidance for repairing crumbling relationships with sound principles of conflict resolution. The final chapter provides helpful information on ending relationships which are beyond repair.
I enjoyed this book. It is well written, engaging and insightful.
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