Flourishing Life Society
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Human Flourishing
    • Addiction Recovery
    • Mindfulness Archive
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive
    • Non-Profit Donation Links
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Basic Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
      • Emotional Fitness
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Flourishing Relationships
    • Intimate Relationship Articles >
      • Repair Attempts
    • Society and Others Archive >
      • Politics Archive
  • Health and Fitness
  • About Us
Home | Flourishing Relationships | Intimacy, Honesty and Love

Intimacy, Honesty, and Love

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | September 2015 (edited December 2, 2021)
Intimacy, Honesty, and Love. A mature couple embracing and happy. A Flourishing Life Society article
Adobe Stock Images
By establishing a habit of openness, we not only build trust but are motivated to not screw up.
Without commitment to honesty, deception creeps into relationships, creating distance and disrupting connections. Secrets provide momentary benefits, allowing behaviors to go unexamined. The money wasted at the casino is not challenged, the dinner with a co-worker doesn’t spark suspicion, and the broken vase isn’t missed, at least not immediately. We do what we want, conceal the evidence and pretend we are doing what’s best for the unknowing spouse, sparing her (or him) the emotions, and avoiding a fight. We’re accustomed to being stupid; we just don’t care to defend our stupidity—so we fib. Whether our action is justified or not, the secret concealing the act, weakens intimacy and challenges trust.
Picture

Intimate Openness

Openness demands engaging in discussion of those  uncomfortable subjects that challenge justifications and expose risky behaviors. Emotional discussions are difficult, poking sensitivities, so instead of difficult honesty, we dodge and conceal. Even strong connections erode from blows of dishonesty. Just a few lies, once discovered, weakens communication in other matters. Deceived partners must cautiously evaluate communications for deception. Even when we tell the truth, the history of secrets ignites suspicion.
 
Once committed to honesty, our actions are mediated, knowing we must divulge our stupidity and suffer the consequences. When facing the weight of an emotional confession, we find additional motivation for the higher path. Honesty becomes a habit. 
Once committed to honesty, our actions are kept in check by knowing we will have to divulge the stupidity and suffer the consequence. 
I can’t promise honesty will always make you richer, more popular, or more intimate.  Actions still carry consequences. You tell the cop you are drunk, you still may be arrested. You tell your wife that you had an illicit affair with her best friend, you still may be left. It’s best not to drink  and drive; and best not to cheat. Honesty doesn’t buy a free ride. But it can, when coupled with reasonable action, build trust, and with that trust comes intimacy.
​Search your heart, honestly share the secrets, trudge through the emotional dialogue, examining  behaviors with a partner. When truth is given and receive without harsh judgments and responded to with loving-kindness, a bond is forged, and joy is found. We no longer live alone in but in a joyous communion with another.
Please support FLS with a share:
Twitter Reddit LinkedIn Email
Share
T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He is dedicated to the science of wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Topic Search
Psychology Definitions
​Main Index of Pages
Research
About Flourishing Life
Psychology Definitions Data Base Link
External Links:
External Link: 8 Toxic Phrases That Destroy Relationships In Seconds
External Link: Turning an Unhappy Marriage into a Happy One
External Link. Gossip fosters intimacy and even saves lives
External Link: 8 Warning Signs Your Wife Wants To Leave
External Link: A Culture Of Appreciation
External Link: How to Deal With an Explosively Angry Partner
External Link: 8 Secrets of Competent Childrearing
FLS link: Emotional Intimacy | Creating Space for sharing. A psychological battle of opposing needs requires purposeful effort to meet both safety and belonging needs.
When we expertly greet our child's emotions with empathy, acceptance and reciprocation, the child develops a positive relationship with their own feelings--a major contribution to healthy living.
The failed relationship provides a rich source of information about our insecurities, emotional triggers, and weaknesses. If we fail to pause and reflect on the failures, we consign ourselves to reliving the tragedy.
FLS Link. Entangled relationships
The strength of the relationship is exposed by how we treat a partner when irritable, or stressed. Love requires intentional action.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. An article on marriage and loneliness
FLS internal Link. Abandonment or Engulfment: Partners will inevitably face a mismatch in attachment styles. The difference doesn't matter as much as how the couple approaches and works through the difference.
Dependence gets a bad rap. Healthy connections are built with interdependence on each other; the security is founded in trust.
Happily Ever After. Disappointments, Annoyances, and Other Relationship Imperfections. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Flourishing Life Society article link for Social Desirability Bias
Attachment Injury. Breaches of Trust in Critical Moments. A Flourishing Life Society article image link
Intimacy requires more than attraction. Intimacy  is the crowning reward to dedicated attention to the person we love.
Instead of lying, do what is right. By establishing a habit of openness, we not only build trust but we are motivated to not screw up.
Picture
Flourishing Life Society
  • Human Flourishing
  • Psychology of Wellness
  • Flourishing Relationships
  • Psychology Definitions​
​Other Links
  • About US
  • Companion Site​
  • Most Popular Articles
  • Psychology Topics A-z
Articles:
  • New Articles​
  • Last year's Publications​
​Favorites:
  • Self-Actualization
  • Emotional Safety
  • Alexithymia
  • ​Emotional Detachment
  • Masochistic Personality
  • Reciprocal Deteminism ​
News Letter

    New Article Updates

Subscribe to Newsletter
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Human Flourishing
    • Addiction Recovery
    • Mindfulness Archive
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive
    • Non-Profit Donation Links
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Basic Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
      • Emotional Fitness
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Flourishing Relationships
    • Intimate Relationship Articles >
      • Repair Attempts
    • Society and Others Archive >
      • Politics Archive
  • Health and Fitness
  • About Us