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Home  | Flourishing in Life  | Human Growth | Life is Difficult

 LIFE IS DIFFICULT

BY: T. F. Murphy | December 2016
Life is Difficult
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Working through the emotions of living, seizing opportunities, and keeping expectations grounded.
We dream of paradise—a life of happiness. We are idealist, entertaining beautiful visions of trouble-free existence. We trudge through the moment fantasizing of something better. We believe that just over the next horizon we will find our utopia. But life doesn’t play along, each day, month and year carries both joys and sorrows, reality continually pokes with reminders of truth—life is difficult. Daydreaming isn’t a crime; sometimes we need the escape from harsh realities. But too much focus on fairylands creates disappoints with ordinary fields of existence.
#life #struggle #wellness #flourishinglife
Logically, when we skeptically examine fanciful beliefs, we recognize the error.  Our conscious catching of foolish beliefs mitigates the emotional impact. But many beliefs slither past conscious evaluations, hiding in the shadows and spiking emotions. When someone’s actions interfere with our intentions—whether big or small—their action demands adjustment causing discomfort. This is normal. Those who flourish, recognize the outside intrusion, evaluate current actions for adjustment, and move forward. Those less skilled become frustrated, sad or angry. The encroachment into their plans is disastrous. They label the surprise as evil, gossiping with cutting details, and retaliating with unmatched fury. The expectation of ease is exposed, and mandatory change is upsetting.
 
An entitlement magnifies emotions when the world doesn’t act as it should. The entitled respond to displeasing experience with astonishment.
The emotional ups and downs work for our benefit, directing attention and demanding action. But unmediated emotions, intense alarms to changes, may misguide and disrupt the purpose of emotional reaction.
 
In the real world, we must wrestle with constant unmet needs and desires. When unplanned events (or people) interfere, emotions rage. The biological system jumps to life to encourage action, pushing new behaviors to secure the threatened needs. Survival needs aren’t clearly discernible; wants and complex constructions of associations get mixed in. Emotions easily go haywire instructing obnoxious, damaging and corrupt behaviors; flourishing demands more than simple emotional driven action.  Securing requires learning, skills and some luck. We could survive haphazardly doing whatever the emotions dictate, just not well. Without early planning, future benefits suffer. Chaotic lives might survive but without gainful employment, comfortable shelter and reliable transportation. But these luxuries contribute to a healthier and longer life. Events threatening employment and relationships spike emotions.
 
Unrealistic expectation distorts the normal push and pulls of emotions. The constant drive for an unchallenged life generates frustrations for the normal displeasing occurrences. The conflict between expectation and experience creates a constant upheaval dragging ordinary moments into a continuous drama; life is miserable. Focus on the coming paradise of pain free living magnifies the lack of perfection in the moment. The idealistic life always remains around the next corner, just beyond our grasp. If perfection was necessary for comfort, then life would be dismal, each step tormenting. Reality doesn’t tire, constantly reminding of imperfection. If this is not what we expect, living frustrates, hindering action and discouraging achievement of well-meaning plans. Discouraged, we return to the disappointing life of the past; complaining of its terribleness, but never changing.
 
Throughout life, we continue to meet challenges, face inner demons, and confront challenges in employment, relationships and emotions. Amidst these struggles, we also encounter plenty of opportunities for joy, security, peace and acceptance; we must seize on these fleeting opportunities.
 
Accepting personal responsibility is a difficult. Many choose to focus blame on the outside causes. They expect the world to conform to their distorted beliefs. Instead of using the uncomfortable emotions of living to motivate positive change, they engage in manipulations, harsh judgments, and attempts of control, desperately trying to escape the haunting of personal demons.
"Amidst these struggles, we also encounter plenty of opportunities for joy, security, peace and acceptance; we must seize on these fleeting opportunities."
Demons, the little nasty personality glitches, are ever present—in us and in others. Partners and acquaintances act in flawed ways with occasional hiccups to their normal loving dispositions. We must accept this, working through the surprises that disrupt and sometimes even painfully impact our lives. Even when doing the right things, consciously examining responsibilities, and making life improvements, we will still encounter difficulty. When multiple people are involved, goals conflict and worlds collide; we must adjust. We don’t exist independent of others. Most goals require cooperation from a few others. If we expect smooth implementation of change, we will be disappointed. The interference of others will provide instant justifications because they don’t play by our rules.
 
Successful achievements require focusing less on what others should be doing and more on what we can be doing.
 
If life and relationships are painful, within the hurt, we can find the answers. Slow down, experience emotion, enjoying the imperfect existence, try a few new things, find comfort in few old things, savor the moment, and prepare for the future.
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FLS Link. Fredrickson's Broaden and Build: Positive emotions promote growth by encouraging approach and observation.
We oversimplify our world, create ungiving structures and then judge others by those views.
​When differences arise, it is easy to move straight to protection, building walls to save our tender egos. This stymies intimacy, preventing trust, and destroys closeness. We need open exploration.
We grow from the womb to the grave. Our bodies, minds and spirit adapt to the surrounding world.
We are not constrained to live chained to unwholesome and meddling thoughts, with work, our thoughts can constructively serve our interests.
Internal FLS link. Victim Consciousness: We learn patterns of engagement. Transactional Analysis defines many of these patterns, giving greater clarity to misguided human transactions. The perpetual victim often overlooks avenues of escape, relying on superficial support for strokes of attention. We can recognize these patterns and provide a more healing response.
FLS internal Link-- Growth Through Recovery: Recovery is a process of growth. There are four domains of growth that we should concentrate on to catapult us back into the game of life.
We don't exist in a world of right and wrong choices. There is not a perfect map for us to follow. Most choices include drawbacks and benefits. We must carefully balance our lives, and continually monitor and make adjustments.
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We are challenged in life. Many forces push and shove in directions we prefer not to go. We can, however, make it through with resolve and healthy support.
External Links:
External Link: Exercise could slow age-related memory loss, study finds
External Link: Feeling stressed? ‘Safety signals’ might help your brain better cope in the moment
External Link: Anxious About What’s Next? Here’s How to Cope.
External Link: Coping: When Darkness Captivates your Soul: 5 Ways to Release yourself from Depression.
PictuHow do we measure success? Does our bank account, car and position determine our worth as a human?re
FLS Link. The Fleeting Emotions. When emotionally flooded, it is difficult to cognitively inject thoughts to escape the moment. We need habitual practices that we automatically integrate into these moments that calm the system first, then we can cognitively join adapt, thinking of the future.
The consequences of better choices don't immediately change our lives. We must trudge through the beginnings of change, and slowly the improved action accumulates and we receive our reward.
Life is not a pretty little bundle of joys. We have pleasures and sorrows.
External Links:
External Link:  Chief Well-Being Officer Takes A Collective Approach To Solve Burnout
External Link: How successful people overcome uncertainty
External Link: 3-2-1: On scaling down your habits, obstacles, and finding time to do what matters
External Link:  How the Pursuit of an Easier Life Can Sometimes Lead to a Harder One
Internal Link: Life is difficult- Working through the emotions of living, seizing opportunities, and keeping expectations grounded.
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Topic: Human Growth


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