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Home | Human Flourishing | Personal Development | Life Lessons
BY: T. Franklin Murphy  | November 2015 (edited December 18, 2021)
An open book on a roadway. An article on listening to life's lessons
Life invites us to make changes. When we fail to listen to these gentle life lessons, our stubbornness invites the life lessons that hurt.
We learn best through gentle instruction. Soft lessons are less threatening, gently allowing absorption and integration. If we mindfully tune into experience, we notice feelings emerging in conjunction with events, signaling the level of importance. With closer awareness, we can loosen ego’s grasp, and learn. We quickly overlook the subtle soft messages, missing opportunities for wisdom and growth. If in your past, you have been blind to the wondrous experience of living, don’t panic, life’s quiet lessons return—often a little louder and with more force.

Life's Loud Lessons

Loud painful lessons don’t guarantee learning, unconscious living fails to see the obvious. Without constructive reflection, painful experiences don’t make sense, appearing random and unfair. We scratch our heads and wonder why.

​We ignore, dismiss and excuse responsibility. We errantly blame the wrong causes and learn the wrong lessons. Continued refusal to humbly learn, leads down stubborn destructive paths, protecting our egos while destroying futures. In protection of self, we destroy our lives trying to prove to the world that we are right. We justify our insanity as reasonable—and excusable.

Key Definition:

Life's loud lessons may include:
  • Divorce
  • Illness
  • Termination
  • Bankruptcy
  • Addiction

Mindful Reflection of Disappointment

Discovering patterns that connect personal actions to repeated disappointments, uncovers personal deficits partially responsible for failures. The gentle life lessons discovered unmask hidden secrets. We easily can ignore these soft life lessons. Their subtleness don’t demand attention. We often wait for complete collapse, hitting rock bottom; but even then, many still miss life's lessons, preferring to blame.

Key Definition:

Life's gentle lessons may include:
  • Disappointment
  • Unfulfillment
  • Stagnation
  • Intentional Deception
  • Small Failures

Protecting the Ego through Denial

Taking responsibility for decisions that contribute to destructive consequences isn't easy. We must admit our indulgent perception of personal perfection, letting go of soothing commitments to being a victim. We turn our heads and miss the flaws.

By protecting tender egos, we unintentionally injure futures, we are the fools. By repeatedly enduring unpleasantness in life without scrutinizing our roles, we miss life lessons—the golden opportunities for improvement.

Life Lessons Return with Greater Force

​We hold no power over the universe. The world turns according to natural laws. We do, however, have a measure of control over our response to happenings in the universe. Our actions are key to improvement. If we fail to learn the first time we are knocked down, typically life will bring the lesson back with greater force.

Life Complexity

Some painful experiences aren’t because of personal choice.  But many, if not most, are intricately tied to behaviors, choices and thoughts—elements we where we have some control. With complexity, the causes of experience are numerous. Many contributors collide at each moment, creating the event. We can search to find more pleasing explanations, shrugging our involvement. But by excusing personal accountability and deflecting blame, we never gleam sufficient insight from the life lesson to avoid repeating of the same pitfall. We relive the tragedy.

See Life is a Complex Problem for more on complexity.
 
We must choose to learn. Life lessons are clear only to those willing to seek wisdom. A timeless Buddhist proverb teaches, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We must humbly examine disappointments and hurts. Only with the humility and desire to learn gracious life lessons can we discover the flourishing and bountiful life.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Research
About Flourishing Life
Internal Link: Flagship article. Ten Beacons of Light. Improving our lives isn't from following items on a simple list. Science, however, has provided some helpful clues to our pursuit of wellness. These ten beacons of light provide direction, lights that illuminate a path to growth.
Human Flourishing. Flourishing Life Society article link
External Links:
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External Link:  Failures Are the Souvenirs of Our Efforts
External Link: Ignore Everything You’ve Read About Success (Except This)
External Link: I Failed My First College Class, and It Taught Me a Huge Lesson
External Link. Martinsburg native finds solace in the simple things in recovery

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link: Life Lessons
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