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Home  |  Flourishing in Life  | Human Growth  | Life's Not Fair

Life's Not Fair

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | January  2016
Life is not always fair. We must work through the disadvantages and find joy within the realms of what we have been given.
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The world does not graciously bow to our expectations. Sometimes we are unfairly rewarded for our actions. We must continue forward.
Sometimes we seemingly do all the right things but lose anyway. We cautiously enter a new relationship but get still hurt. Our choices must intermingle with the choices of millions of others—also exercising their freedom. In the complex game of life, many of the rewards we believe we deserve will not materialize. In disappointment, we receive the unfairness with bitterness. But interferences and stumblings are part of life. We can move forward with hope and faith; the game is not over.
#life #fair #acceptance #wellness
Often, our perception of unfairness is dictated by our tainted view of what fairness is. If we believe fairness is exact equality, then certainly the world will appear unfair. There will never be complete equality. We live in an unpredictable world of complex causes, to eliminate all variance would require destroying individual freedoms; but even then, mother nature in her unpredictable rage would still intervene and impact the lives of some and not others.
 
Life is inherently unfair; but some aspects are equally distributed. We all live and we all will die. We all have some measure of choice. We all can discover joys and sorrows in the moment.
"If we believe fairness is exact equality, then certainly the world will appear unfair. There will never be complete equality."
While life is unfair, and never can be made completely even, we can work towards balancing some of the more salient causes of unfairness. We can work with governments to intervene where necessary to give opportunity where opportunity has been robbed. We don’t choose the country, neighborhood or parents where we will begin life. We suffer or are graced with a healthy or crumbling foundation from the beginning. To condemn large segments of society, citing personal choice as the only cause is ignorant, a hideous lie that protects some while discounting the needs of others.
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​A society that creates an invisible barrier to prevent the peasants from moving into nobility is wrong, whether it is the sixteenth century or the twenty-first century. As a nation, we must work towards fairness. As individuals, we must work towards personal responsibility.
 
When things don’t go our way by darkening our view, we magnify the problem. By concentrating on the unfairness, we lose strength, diving into helpless sorrows that narrow creative thought, and prevent novel and exalting responses. We can wallow in discouragement, slipping into depression; we may fight with destructive revenge; or to flourish, we can choose to constructively respond to the unfairness. We express freedom through responses. By accepting what happened, evaluating possible action, and then making a choice. With cautious action, we regain power to direct our lives and move to a more balanced position where we can effect change on a much larger scale.
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FLS Link. Patronizing Toleration:  Toleration is better than discrimination. However, toleration suggests refraining from acting on objectionable differences. We can do better.
Internal FLS link. Victim Consciousness: We learn patterns of engagement. Transactional Analysis defines many of these patterns, giving greater clarity to misguided human transactions. The perpetual victim often overlooks avenues of escape, relying on superficial support for strokes of attention. We can recognize these patterns and provide a more healing response.
FLS Internal Link. Being Kind: The world needs more kindness. We get lost in problem solving; but neglect the obvious, more kindness would solve many of the problems.
Change by its very nature is difficult.  We easily follow current trajectories.  To change of course zaps energy,  draining resources,and feels uncomfortable.  Change creates immediate anxiety; but healthy change invites future relief.
Our present is constructed through our pasts. How we act today largely determines what life will provide tomorrow.

External Articles:
External Link:  The Truth About Success
External Link: Why we self-sabotage (and 3 ways to stop doing it)
External Link: “Our calm is contagious”: How to use mindfulness in a pandemic
External Link: How To Make Self-Care Happen
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We struggle to objectively evaluate ourselves. We subjectively change the facts to fit our self-supporting reality.
When we expect uninterrupted joy, life intrudes and we feel depressed. Life is beautiful; but not always.
External Links:
External Link: This is when it makes sense to compare yourself to others
External Link: 4 Ways To Practice Active Meditation If You Can't Sit Still
External Link: How My Constant Perfectionism Takes Over My Life
External Link: What Is the Most Important Activity for Self-Transformation?
Life doesn't bow to our expectations. Not every good act is rewarded. We still must continue to act with character.
Topics: Challenges, Fairness, Equality
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