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Home | Human Flourishing | More than Meets the Eye

More than Meets the Eye

We Never See the Whole Story

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | July 2017 (edited February 11, 2022)
A close up photo of an Asian woman's eye. A Flourishing Life Society article on judgments.
Adobe Stock Images
There is always more than we see. Appraisals of others fail. We never see all the factors. Others are much more than the simplicity we see.
There is more; more to others; and more to ourselves. We don’t see it all because we can’t comprehend it all. While limits to our knowledge is present for every experience, it is painfully obvious with our judgements of others. We see a behavior—a ragged edge protruding through the surface—and we construct an entire persona.

Complexity

​We formulate a picture from a dim snapshot blurred by bias. We lean on our limiting view as if it is reality. We see prominent lines and colors but miss the underlying textures; beneath the rough acknowledged exterior resides the meat of reality—all the details we can’t examine. We gather information then act, then justify our action.

Perceptions are incomplete, and often wrong. The wise purposely work to clarify and expand perceptions, digging for missing facts, and considering conflicting data. But even scrupulous investigations fail; we still exist with incomplete knowledge.


​See Narrow Minded for more on this topic

Cognitive Heuristics

Cognitive heuristics obscure from consciousness hide in the shadows of the present, disrupting and coloring reality. From these biases, our mind rearranges facts to transform incoming information to fit personal narratives; the mind smoothly excludes, manipulates and changes unacceptable facts. We skillfully distort experiences through the involvement of numerous modules and systems involved in the translation process of perception.

Each moment provides a constant flow of information; the voluminous sorting of data exceeds the capacity of working memory, information fades to the unknown never breaching consciousness. Like a flashlight in a dark room, attention only focuses on select pieces of information, often concentrating on areas that support pre-conceived beliefs, missing potentially helpful and important information. Reality often resides in the dark corners of the mind—dodged, neglected and denied.
racism collage. Flourishing Life Society Article
Adobe Stock Images

Stubbornness to Change

Through manipulation of data, no matter the exposure, we tend to maintain the same beliefs; our thoughts of self, whether smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly, success or failure are all supported by our tainted interpretations of experience. Unconscious processes ensure that new information strengthens pre-conceived notions. The same experience may trigger shame or pride depending on the pre-existing belief.

See Self-Confirming Bias for more on this topic 
 
This distorted reality is useful. A positive self-image boosts confidence and assists coping with inevitable pains of being human. At times, narrowing vision directs focus to areas we can change, instead of being overwhelmed in a frenzy of fear. But deeply entrenched distortions also limit growth, refusing access to necessary knowledge, diminishing helpful adaptations. Our reliance on the limited information we see leads to miscalculations and poorly directed efforts—that we conveniently explain away as someone else’s fault.
"The same experience may trigger shame or pride depending on our underlying belief..."

Judgment of Others

We see others through a tiny window. We see a few behaviors and make comprehensive predictions about the entirety of their character. These fast judgements are adaptive. We can't expose our vulnerabilities to everyone. Many unscrupulous people prey on the weak.

​We can't risk our safety, time and wellbeing when signs point to heartache or danger. Unfortunately, the many sociopaths and narcissists have adapted to hide warning flags, luring unsuspecting victims into their chaotic and tormenting lives.

Others may be worth our time and safe but current circumstances in their lives expose some unsavory behaviors that will lessen as they continue to develop.

See Post Traumatic Growth for more on this topic

I was extremely sensitive during and immediately following my divorce. The emotional toll of a shattered life and the challenges of rebuilding exposed personality traits (relationship insecurity) that previously lay dormant.

How do we know when we meet someone and they possess undesirable qualities? We don't know if a potential partner's insecurity is a dangerous signal, warning of a long miserable relationship, or a temporary phase they are going through. How much time do we have to invest? How much emotional resources are we willing to sacrifice?

There is no simple answer.
"The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."
Bertrand Russell


Human Ability to Judge

"Our species has an unparalleled capacity to infer the characteristics of objects or events that are hidden or haven’t yet occurred."
Reid Hastie and Robyn Dawes​


Reid Hastie and Robyn Dawes in their comprehensive examination of Rational Choice explain that we possess several fundamental and virtually automatic cognitive abilities that give us the capacity to judge.

  • The ability to judge similarities between objects or events
  • The ability to recognize a previously experienced situation or individual
  • The ability to retrieve additional information about an object or situation once it has been recognized
  •  The ability to “see” causal relationships between events.

"These processes," they explain, "occur with little conscious effort and are 'wired into' our brains so deeply that they do not change much across the healthy adult life span" (2009, location 1900).

Seeing What We are Missing

So, what can we do? We can’t simply wave a wand to magically see and feel what currently is hidden. Bringing the unknown into the light is a long process, fighting the ever-present push to support what we know the world to be. But this fight is necessary to expose biases, invite openness, and discover a world beyond our simple egotistical views.
 
Growth requires explorations into the unknown; where both pleasant and unpleasant discoveries will be found. We must accept uncertainties, dismissing faulty comforting reliance on knowledge that we do not possess.

We must embrace personal insecurity to discover new knowledge. The richness of living expands through widening views as we stand in awe of the unknown. Ignorance is found in the confining walls of certainty. Blogger and philosopher Dan Garro wrote, "we are taught about the world, we grow up believing certain narratives, and we take these for granted because they are familiar" (2020).

We see the shadows on the wall of Plato's cave and mistake the shadows for reality. 

Remain Open to Different Explanations

Openness to a variety of emotions, novel experiences, and intimate connections invite new perspectives. With patience, and wonderful skepticism of preconceived notions, we begin to see more than originally was seen.

​We may discover many discomforting realities as previous distortions slowly diminish. And then those views also give way to more insight as we continue to remain open.

Only through intentional awareness do we courageously face weaknesses and improve. Acknowledging personal selfishness, fears, and unrealistic expectations will initially heighten discomfort. But willful blindness compounds the weakness, inviting uniformed choices and accumulating consequences. Our refusal to see larger stories destroys relationships and diminishes our ability to pursue promising opportunities.
 
Our snapshot of reality will always be distorted. But with effort, new images take shape and our vision expands. We discover many elements we missed, and weaknesses to be addressed. Life will imperfectly continue forward but now with notable adjustments. The confining walls dissolve one small stone at a time, providing greater opportunities for connection, growth and happiness.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He is dedicated to the science of wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Article References:

Garro, D. (2020). The Cave. Do Better With Dan. Published 9-30-2020. Retrieved 2-18-2021

​Hastie, R., Dawes, R. (2009). Rational Choice in an Uncertain World: The Psychology of Judgment and Decision Making. SAGE Publications, Inc; Second edition

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As adults, we can create better surroundings to encourage our continued growth. Some do the opposite, surround themselves with others and influences that begin the process of decay.
We need a sense of security to thrive. If we are continually frightened, we will pull into ourselves and limit opportunity.
Beliefs blind our vision. We see only what we wish to see, even when the truth is obvious and helpful.
Feelings are not a fool proof method for decisions. Our biased reliance on our own intuition can lead us astray, especially when we rely on our thoughts over proven and compelling research.
We get stuck in an existential funk, searching for meaning. Life may not readily appear meaningful; but we can give life meaning.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. How to Reduce Implicit Bias
Our amazing mind assigns meaning to felt experience, creating emotion. Sometimes this process misdiagnosis the environment and leads us astray.
Freedom of choice is earned through mulling over possibilities, evaluating conflicting data and then determining a course of action.
FLS Link. Patronizing Toleration:  Toleration is better than discrimination. However, toleration suggests refraining from acting on objectionable differences. We can do better.
Internal Link: Pursuit of Happiness | If the sole purpose of our existence is to increase pleasure, we will never be satisfied. Living a full and rich life experiences many emotions. Happiness is a balance of healthy thoughts and growth promoting actions.
FLS link. Passionate Purpose. We need passionate purpose to energize our flat lives, giving fire to existence and joy to routines.
Internal Link Banner for catastrophizing.
Flourishing Life Society article link. More than Meets the Eyes. There is always more to the story
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