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Home | Flourishing Relationships | Non-Intimate Relationship Articles | Flourishing with Others

Flourishing with Others

We Don't Live in this World Alone

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | July 2018 (edited March 12, 2022)
A Group of six friends having fun outside. A Flourishing Life Society article on the importance of human relationships
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The Bonds Essential for Happiness
Science strongly supports that rich and flourishing lives include healthy connections with others.
We are not hermits, trudging through a desolate land. We live with and rely upon others. The human child is completely dependent, left alone he would die. This complicated world demands much more than an infant could survive. For a child to become successful, she needs more nurturing, education, and love than all other species. These truths are programmed into our cells, we not only need others to survive but also for happiness. Lonely and alone, we sense something is missing. We feel a hole in our life. Others are an essential part of a rich and fulfilling life.
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Let’s be clear, needing others doesn’t suggest that any relationship can satisfy the longing. As many can testify, and as science supports, unhealthy relationships magnify sorrows, ignite anxiety, and create chaos. Our needs often remain unfulfilled while surrounded by crowds. We may be married; but lack closeness. We can have parents; but still need nurturance.

Positive Psychology and Others

Ed Diener and Martin Seligman have dedicated their careers and lives to positive psychology, a departure from the traditional focus on pathology. In a study, they compared happy people with less happy people. The most notable factor that distinguished the one group from the other was the happier group had “rich, satisfying relationships.” Having meaningful relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners was necessary for happiness.
 
David Myers, a professor of psychology also intrigued with the positive psychology of happiness, narrowed the relationships down even further, zeroing in on romantic partners, “there are few stronger predictions of happiness than a close nurturing, equitable, intimate lifelong companion with one’s best friend.”

Biologically We Need Others

​The need for companionship is woven into our cells. Deficiencies with attachment, not only interfere with succeeding with important tasks of living; but disrupt our balance and peace of mind. Emotions, as Colwyn Trevarthen (Child Attachment Psychologist) suggests, define a person in relationship to other persons.

​Shame, guilt and joy are not indicators of a relationship with self but of relationships with others, either imagined or real. Our most intense emotions arise in connection with relationships—falling in love, warmth of connection, loss of a loved one, or fear of abandonment.
"The need for companionship is woven into our cells."

Connecting with Others can Be Challenging

The need is clear, the evidence compelling, but the task of connecting is complicated and daunting. While biological driven to connect, experiencing painful emotional prods and pokes to bond, we often are confused with the complexities of others.

When love is confused by faulty childhood models, or when adult experiences have exposed us to danger and abuse, we approach new lovers with too much caution or perilous oblivion, leading to more broken connections, and incompatible partners, heightening our anxiety, stirring chaos, and leaving us more confused than ever.

Books on Wellness and Relationships

​Some soothe their aching mind with protecting justifications, blaming others and then hiding in solitude, denying themselves the richness of a flourishing life that includes healthy relationships. Others continue jumping in and out of unpredictable and dangerous relationships, hoping one day they will get lucky and find a prince (princess) charming.
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
​~ Audrey Hepburn

Limitations of Relationships

We must be realistic with what a relationship can provide. The bonds essential for happiness do not dismiss all other human needs. A healthy relationship helps to extract and magnify the joys of living from other aspects of our lives. A healthy relationship contributes to developing the skills for obtaining needs, security and meaning. But more importantly a loving companionship assists in joyfully surviving the full catastrophe of living with all the bumps, bruises and unplanned adventures.

Our ultimate success depends on nurturing bonds with healthy others, learning proven skills, and patiently learning the greatness of the vulnerability of connection.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

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Psychology of Wellness
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About Flourishing Life
Psychology Definitions Data Base Link
External Links:
External Link: A Culture Of Appreciation
External Link: Events That Foster Positive Emotions Is Key to Creating a Collective Identity
External Link: Do civilisations collapse?
External Link: Life Gets Better When You Start To Think of It As a Spectrum
External Link: How To Navigate Friendship As An Adult
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External Link: Crossing Divides: The friends who are good for your brain
External Link: The Reason Why Women May Live Longer Than Men: Kindness

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

Example of Kindness. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Flourishing Life Society article link. Nine Pillars of well-being
​Connections. Six Ways to Build Stronger Relationships. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Social Media and Shallow Connections. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Belongingness. Our Emotional and Psychological Need to Belong. A Flourishing Life Society article link
When threatened, the energy flowing through our system demands action. Often we retaliate with bitterness, spewing venom, ruining the things we cherish.
We need connections; but the world doesn't need vaguely hidden intentions. We need soul felt kindness.
FLS Link. Fredrickson's Broaden and Build: Positive emotions promote growth by encouraging approach and observation.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Shared Emotions
Flourishing Life Society article on Love and Fear
​Connections. Six Ways to Build Stronger Relationships. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Small emotions, poking through from the past, can avalanche into full blown hatred. We must catch the mislabeling of experience, make corrections and work towards building a relationship with love an intimacy.
Basic Needs. A Flourishing Life Society article image link
Building a foundation of wisdom and skill to manage the unpredictable encounters in life.
We don't spontaneously grow. We need the necessary ingredients. Our souls need to be fed and protected.
Environments dictate the success and failure of life. We flourish when environments are accommodating. But humans can transcend this, achieving more than the world would otherwise dictate.
A wave of pop psychology, suggesting happiness is paramount,often neglects the importance of others. We can improve the feeling states. But science is clear, rich and fulfilling lives include healthy connections with others.
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