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Present Realities

Exposing the Deceptions; Addressing the Facts

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | February 2018
An eaten apple in front of a mirror that reflects a whole apple. An article on self-deception.
Adobe Stock Images
When faced with imperfections, we often turn to self deception.
The further we drift from functional existence (meeting the demands of survival), the more distorted our thoughts. A young person may suffer from minor defects as they enter adulthood; but as they move through this impactful period, their deficits often lead to poor choices, multiplying the difficulty of survival. They drift. Instead of mindfully developing skills, they aimlessly respond to quell discomforting emotions, shirking challenges and slipping further from reality. As the malingerer loses precious time, their character not only stagnates; it decays. Their abilities become more mismatched with the challenges.

When life outmatches skills, anxiety overwhelms, and alternate adaptations are pursued. The mind unable to solve the problem of existence employs new goals, seeking relief rather than growth; instead of behavioral change, the disruptions demand escape. The struggling soul finds momentary rescue through distorting reality, soothing anxiety but imprisoning the tormented soul to the past. Addictions, personality disorders, and unhealthy dependence expand and take over otherwise capable lives, destroying futures with faulty dreams, buried emotions, and dishonest explanations.
The challenge for a therapist, a partner and especially the sufferer is to claw their way back into reality. A well-meaning observer may offer simplified explanations, pointing out the obvious, but such advice fails to penetrate the hardened shell, driving realities deeper into the unconscious. The work to be done is clear (work, love, and abstinence); but the path is difficult and obscured. When what needs to be done is clear, the inability to accomplish the simple feat frustrates, discourages and eventually overwhelms with hopelessness.
 
The challenge of existing in reality isn’t exclusively for those most lost. We all get lost in distortions. I would love to have sexy six-pack abdominals. I know the work and diet required. But in the space between the desire, and achievement, I stall, tire and drink a Coke.
 
Whether we seek a slimmer figure, a promotion, a degree, or greater intimacy, it’s often not the lack of knowledge preventing success—present realities intervene, and we settle somewhere south of our desire.
"The challenge of existing in reality isn’t exclusively for those most lost. We all get lost in distortions."
Some behavioral economists suggest a logical explanation: “we must prefer what we have more than the goal.” When push comes to hustle, we tire, procrastinate and then enjoy one last plate yummy serving of fat-soaked carbohydrates, another beer, or less than stellar performance at work, while our tummies, grades, promotions and relationships suffer. We pay homage to righteous goals but sacrificing the dreams on the altar of present realities.
 
And here at the failure that distorted justifications rescue the conflicted mind, easing the dissonance, and soothing the soul.
 
The all-important juncture of change is at the point of resistance. We must mindfully see the conflict and protective justifications. We do this by stepping back and slowing down. We can intercede, catching the defensive justifications before falling prey to their lame excuses. If we can stop and exam the silliness of destructive behaviors, leading us from our desired life, we have a chance to intervene.
​Mindfulness of present realities can overwhelm; challenges may exceed mental, emotional and financial resources. Humbly accepting these vulnerabilities, may demand seeking outside assistance to provide resources and strengthen resolves. Sometimes help is a necessity—not a luxury.
 
Protecting our ego through misrepresentations is disastrous. We, with crazed thinking, resist asking for assistance, feign strength and stability, and fight crushing forces on our own. This solitary battle is doomed. The present realities have intensified from a long accumulation of poor choices. The battle we lost at the beginning was far less demanding than the war at the bottom.
 
Whether the march back to the top is long or short, we need help. We need warm-loving care of others. The treacherous ascent from the valley to the mountain is possible. Many people stand as examples; but they did not travel alone. They found help. They opened to their vulnerabilities with honesty and humility, reaching through present realities and into future possibilities.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He is dedicated to the science of wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

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External Link. Positivism and Heart Health: Issues for Psychiatrists
External Link: Change Your Core Beliefs in the Subconscious Mind
External Link. If Smiles are so easy to fake, Why do We Trust them?
External Link. Atheists and Believers Both Have Moral Compasses
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FLS Link. Realistic Optimism: Optimism brings energy to action, motivating persistence in the face of difficulty. Our wellness benefits most from optimism when it is based in reality.
We need to attend to the balances in our lives. Impulses, demand and others interfere and knock us out of balance.
When we expect uninterrupted joy, life intrudes and we feel depressed. Life is beautiful; but not always.
FLS Link. Liar Liar: Pathological Liar. Pervasive liars destroy relationships and limit personal growth. While the causes of pathological fibbing are complex, we can examine our own honesty and realign with reality.
The human ability to share intelligence catapults our species into a different realm of existence. Knowledge accumulates from generation to generation. However, the concepts are muddied with bias, amazingly resistant to change.
Experience dredges up the past, uncovering hurts and tender parts of our souls. To survive, we must find productive avenues through these moments without damaging the present and future.
We cannot change without awareness of what needs to be changed. Little deceptions creep in and hide pertinent information.
Guilt may push for change or leave us debilitated and paralyzed. Loving kindness is the healthy response to debilitating guilt.
We are either growing or decaying. We don't remain idle.
We can change; it's just not easy. Forces pull us in many directions, usually following a set trajectory, moving in the same direction as before. We can adjust but must do so with confidence and skill.
We face face the reality of nasty habits before we can begin to change.


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