Refuse to Give up on Love Sometimes love fails BY: Troy Murphy |December 2015
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After being deeply hurt, we adopt protective behaviors to avoid further trauma; no one wants to be hurt again. We guard our soul with both healthy and unhealthy defensive behaviors. We cautiously move forward, avoiding unnecessary risks. After disloyalty, whether we choose to move towards reconciliation or separation, we do so with an extra wall of insulation around our heart, defending against the ill intention of intruders that threaten our tender souls, but our protections may also impede the joys and growth from healthy attachments.
Healing takes time. An immediate new relationship after failure often interferes with necessary healing. Although new connections may be an important future step, the soul-mate may simply be a distraction from the hurt. At some point in our progression the ache must be addressed. Completely ignoring a partner’s infidelity by jumping to a new relationship disrupts healing and effective reconciliation.
Often a part of the forgiveness process requires an apology—recognition of wrong doing. An apology of wrong doing isn’t gifted with immediate forgiveness and a gracious amnesia of the painful hurts. A partner expecting emotional intimacy to be restored with a simply expression of regret exposes their lack of empathy of the hurt they caused. Honesty is important, but disclosed behaviors still deliver heavy blows to the relationship requiring significant healing. Recovery takes time; the unhealed wounds impact present and future relationships.
The true damage of disloyalty can be felt over time. When the pain from the past continues to hinder intimate relationships in the present, we need to more fervently address the wounds. When we only place a single foot in the relationship circle, never fully committing, and quickly run when threatened, we can never enjoy intimacy. As scary as it might be, intimacy implies vulnerability. By refusing deeper connection, we invite the bitterness of the past into each new relationship.
"Honesty is important, but disclosed behaviors still deliver heavy blows to the relationship requiring significant healing. "
Our next go around with love may not last forever, we may be hurt again. But if we only partially commit and constantly look for signs of trouble, we miss opportunities for joy. Ultimately, too much caution destroys developing relationships. If our relationships continually begin with explosive connection but end in painful rejection, it’s time for exploration into our hearts. A deeper look—sometimes with the help of a professional or close friend—may reveal hidden behaviors that repeatedly lead down the same painful path. Refuse to give up on love; keep trying; keep exploring.