Flourishing Life Society
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships
Home | Human Flourishing | Self Compassion Article Archive | Self Kindness

Self Kindness

A Necessity for Growth

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | July 2018 (edited March 11, 2022)
Heart hands around sun. A Flourishing Life Society article on Self Kindness
Adobe Stock Images
Change naturally occurs when kindness abounds. Harsh environments stymies growth. We jump start our lives with self kindness.
Compassionate acceptance creates a comforting platform for growth. Once we accept flaws, shortcomings and weaknesses, as well as notice strengths, sensitivities and passions, we open to information, otherwise defensively resisted, essential for growth. Self-kindness provides an environment that allows curious investigations necessary for growth.

Harsh Self-Judgements

Harsh and critical attacks on our worth, especially when living inside of our mind, hurt. Instead of whipping the self into correction from the judgmental thoughts, the self cowers from coarseness and defensively denes reality.

Harsh self-judgments are unbearable to the sense of self. We seek escape. No improved action corrects the onslaught of oppressive self thoughts. Instead, peace of mind is sought through escapisms. We begin to protect through a string of mechanisms adapted to avoid detection of fault. We invite projections, justifications and denials into our mental processes. Estranged from reality we stagnate growth, begging for acceptance but dodging responsibility.
​We all adapt to the circumstances of life. We must learn to navigate the pain. We must sort through the sorrows. We must find avenues to squelch the fear. We must learn effective responses to shame and responses to guilt. The emotions of life are flags, warning something needs attention. As wonderful as the evolving brain is, it still can adopt unhealthy responses to adverse emotions.

​We may temporarily soothe a discomfort; but fail to improve our lives. Immediate relief rewards the response, marking the unhealthy adaptation as an appropriate road to follow. But these dead-end alleys eventually disappoint, leaving our lives with bigger problems to resolve.

Key Definition:

Self-kindness is responding to personal failures, injuries, and imperfection with warm understanding of our imperfect humanness.   

Unhealthy Adaptations

Unhealthy adaptations repel closeness. Our ingenuine relationship with the self is mirrored by our deceitful relationships with others. Sadly, the protections we integrated to avoid hurt also deter healing. We get lost in this damaging vortex of deceit and damage. The answer begins with self kindness.
"Self-compassion encourages mindfulness, or noticing your feelings without judgment; self-kindness, or talking to yourself in a soothing way; and common humanity, or thinking about how others might be suffering similarly."
​Rachel Simmons

Our Need for Belonging

​We need others. We need a flow of positive regard, comforting our broken hearts. This flow can spring from many origins. Sometimes a professional, skilled in the interpersonal therapy, provides the non-judgmental acceptance we crave. Other times, we may find the help through the kindness of support groups, enmeshed in similar conflicts. Lovers also can be a constant in our lives. However, a lover is heavily invested, and sometimes their emotions and needs collide, and shaking the security we desperately need.
Sadly, the protections to avoid hurt deter healing that is only possible through closeness. We get lost in the damaging vortex of deceit and damage.

Self-Kindness

We should seek these outside sources to assist in recovery; but another source of compassion is also essential. We must nurture positive self-regard, loosening the demeaning and harsh judgments flowing from our own minds. Loving relationships are difficult to establish when hatred lives within. The seething evil continual poisons our interactions, rejecting new opportunities and perverting others attempts of kindness. We self-sabotage love with internal hatred. 

See Self-Sabotage for more on this topic.

We must start with self kindness. We must accept we are loveable and deserving of belonging. Only in self kindness can we accept kindness from others. Kindness is the necessary condition for life long growth to begin.

We can start the journey to self kindness through mindful awareness of self-criticism, challenging the judgements by articulating endearing qualities about ourselves. We also establish self kindness by engaging in acts of kindness towards ourselves, allowing ourselves to pursue personal passions and relax with planned self-care.

Be kind. Be patient. We are all on a journey. Once we compassionately honor ourselves with kindness, others will comfortably join in the celebration. 
Please support Flourishing Life Society with a social media share or by visiting a link:
Twitter Reddit LinkedIn Email
T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
  • Personal Development
  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
  • Intimate
  • Parent/Child
  • Society
Health and Fitness
Flourishing Topics
​Books to Flourish
Psychological Definitions
Research
About Flourishing Life
Personal Development. A Flourishing Life Society article data base link
External Links:
External Link. Honor My Grief When the World Has Become Desensitized to Loss
External Link: You Should Treat Life as a Work of Art
External Link:  Psychology Today. Self-Kindness to Cope With Stress
External Link: The Only Way Through the Funk is to Feel It.
mindful link banner. Article on self-kindness

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

The harsh world, with the constant message that
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Help Yourself. Accepting Responsibility. Making a Change.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Fear of Failure
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Gentleness
Emotional Response. Emotions and Goal Fulfillment. A Flourishing Life Society article image link
FLS Link. Self-forgiveness: Genuine self-forgiveness is a process of accepting responsibility, working through the emotions, repairing damage, and recommitting to values.
Internal Link. Self: Here I am. The consciousness of self is complex. We are dynamic beings interacting with ever-changing environments. For stability, we need a concept of self. Too firm a concept and we are limited and deceived, to weak and we have no anchor.
We live in an age of prescriptions and corrections. Every oddity is labeled as an illness. We are not ill, just sometimes incompatible. Instead of curing illnesses, we should work towards compatibility.
Dyadic Regulation. Regulating Emotions Together. A Flourishing Life Society research article link
FLS link. Building Shelter
Judgements are penicious things. They self-perpetuate proving themselves by biasing our views.
Picture
Picture
Mental Recovery. Heavy demands exhausts our energy and we need to rest or risk mental and physical illness. A Flourishing Life Society Article Link
FLS link. Mindfulness and calming the mind; Thoughts can pull us from the present and land us in a world of worry and regret. Through a developed practice of mindfulness, we can better sooth our agitated mind and re-discover peace.
Eckart Tolle's Pain Body. A Flourishing Life Society article link
The beginnings of change start with acceptance of where we currently are and a realistic view of where we want to go.
Picture
Flourishing Life Society
  • Human Flourishing
  • Psychology of Wellness
  • Flourishing Relationships
  • Psychology Definitions​
  • Privacy Policy
​Other Links
  • About US
  • Companion Site​
  • Most Popular Articles
  • Psychology Topics A-z
Articles:
  • New Articles​
  • Last year's Publications​
  • External Psychology Links​
​Favorite Topics:
  • Mental Illness Archive
  • Personality Archive
  • Personal Development
  • Psychology of Emotions
News Letter

    New Article Updates

Subscribe to Newsletter
  • Flourishing Life Society
    • Flourishing Favorites
    • Articles by Year Published
    • Privacy Policy
    • About Us
  • Psychology Definitions
  • Psychology of Wellness
    • Psychology of Emotions >
      • Emotional Data Base
    • Psychology Article Archive
  • Personal Development
    • Health and Fitness
    • Personal Development >
      • Personal Development Archive N-Z
  • Flourishing Relationships