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Home | Human Flourishing | Personal Development | Self-Respect

Self Respect

Living Right

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | February 2017 (edited January 11, 2022)
A woman lifting her head to a gentle breeze. A Flourishing Life Society article on self respect
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Self-respect is more than a feel-good mantra. We show self respect through living a self-respecting life.
Stuart Smalley: “You are a good guy; people like you.”
 
The thoughts we recite, churn in our minds impact feelings. Whether we recite self-glorifying mantras or ruminate over worries, the thoughts influence the flow of chemicals, creating a different feeling experience. What we think matters. But what should we think and how do we direct our thoughts? Thoughts, feelings and behaviors are the foundations of experience. All three need to be in balance, integrated into life, and connecting sources to others.

Self Respect More than a Mantra

​Many modern agents of happiness suggest we should only think positive thoughts. I don’t prescribe these theories of positive thinking. Disrupting emotions and thoughts have purpose, motivate action, and draw attention to important threats in the environment. I have learned to recognize negative thoughts, investigate their purpose and only then challenge, replace or accept.

Stages of  Growth

​We develop through phases. The struggling mind of an addict may require a different approach than a successful executive. The drug user has different demands, living one day at a time with immediate needs is more essential at this level; but through progression, decisions expand giving greater emphasis on tomorrow.

We shift awareness with growth, moving past emotional demands previously salient in our youth, to future minded decisions, and then expanding our concern to include a larger group of others. But when life in the moment overwhelms, the moment to moment struggles require intense action, thinking of starving children in war torn Afghanistan may not motivate anything but distraction from critical problems at hand.

Key Definition: 

Self-respect is a combination of beliefs and action. We have confidence in our abilities, noticing strengths and accepting weakness. We act with self-respect by ethically acting with grace, honor and dignity. With self-respect, we also establish boundaries, not shamelessly allowing others to repeatedly treat us badly.

Showing Self Respect By How We Live

We may start building hope through positive mantras. If we are stuck in self-deprecating ruts of depression, inaction and self-loathing; flood your mind with encouragement—recite whatever motivates. But when healthy lust for a flourishing life returns, growth requires more than kind self-talk. Words are fruitless if we fail to act.

​The benefits of self-praise plateaus when feeling good smothers motivating emotions that ignite action. An injection of heroine feels good to some, creating feelings of security; but fails to propel the user to develop connections that create security. The addict slinks into self-absorbed state of ecstasy ignoring the world. Feeling good doesn’t stand on its own. Positive speech plays a significant role in how we feel and how we feel plays a role in how we live. But self-determined action is the next step, taking us beyond thought into real life, blessing the future.
"If we are stuck in self-deprecating ruts of depression, inaction and self-loathing; flood your mind with encouragement—recite whatever motivates." 

Living a Self Respecting Life

We seek simple solutions to complex problems—thought is a simple solution. We stumble upon a small insight, hoping to transform our complex existence. A solid foundation requires more than a single brick. If you desire self-respect then build a self-respecting life though healthy action, with behaviors in congruence with ethics.

We can’t stuff our mouths with junk, engage in unhealthy behaviors, act rudely to others, and then fool ourselves into self-respect. The chasm of difference between action and desires can’t be crossed with simple soul-relieving lies or greatness. Our actions and thoughts conflict. 
 
Self-respect demands healthy values, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, and working to be better.  True self-respect requires integrity—embracing values and living according to those values. Self-respect comes from living a life we respect!
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

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External Links:
External Link: Diversifying Your Day -- The Mindful Break
External Link: 5 Signs You are Complicating Your Life
External Link: This Is Why Self-Respect Is Crucial For Happiness
External Link: How to live longer: The five habits to stop now if you want to boost your life expectancy
External Link: Why It’s So Powerful for Men to Admit Their Faults

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

A Flourishing Life. What is a Flourishing Life? A Flourishing Life Society Link
Living a virtuous life is never accomplished in perfection; we integrate ethical standards one small step at a time.
Opptimisitic mindsets can improve our emotions
Reciprocal Determinism. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Internal Link. Self: Here I am. The consciousness of self is complex. We are dynamic beings interacting with ever-changing environments. For stability, we need a concept of self. Too firm a concept and we are limited and deceived, to weak and we have no anchor.
A healthy mind integrates values with action. We embrace high-ideals, and then act like an idiot, soothing the dissonance with justifications.
We are engaged in a constant work of becoming, satisfying needs, entertaining wants, and creating meaning. We can do this purposely or haphazardly.
Behavior Activation. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Trying to feel better is a formidable challenge for many. The well-being industry has many theories. Success requires finding proven paths and patiently working towards a better life.
FLS Link. Self-forgiveness: Genuine self-forgiveness is a process of accepting responsibility, working through the emotions, repairing damage, and recommitting to values.
Flourishing Life Society Link. Sunshine and Mental Health
Childhood Development and Life Trajectories. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Flourishing Life Society article link. Facing the Consequences
There is a lot of hype on what we should and shouldn't do to be well. The mind and experience are complex. However, our lives improve immensely when we concentrate on a few of the basics.
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We get stuck in an existential funk, searching for meaning. Life may not readily appear meaningful; but we can give life meaning.

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Flourishing Life Society link. Self Respect
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