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Home | Psychology of Wellness | Basic Emotions | Cause of Sorrow

Cause of Sorrow

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | December 2015 (edited April 4, 2022)
Man leaning forward, experiencing sorrow. A Flourishing Life Society article on cause of sorrow
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We suffer as part of existence. We are responsible for some, but not all our sorrows. Sorrow in moderation can spur change, moving us forward; too much and we collapse.
“The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.” ― Sophocles

Apparently, personal responsibility has been preached for over 2500 years. While this quote may poke and prod our wills to examine our lives a little closer, unearthing undesirable flaws in need of attention, Sophocles, in all his wisdom, undershoots the complexity of existence. We are not the sole cause of all our sorrows. Certainly, we are the cause of much of it.

If we are sad, mad or happy is it ourselves that makes it so?
"​In Raja Yoga terms, we understand that the roots of all negativity and sorrow are the ‘vices’: ego, attachment, greed, lust and anger."
Brahma Kumaris
Accepting full responsibility for every painful emotion denies the biological purpose of emotion. Do we not feel sad when a child suffers with destructive addictions, or we are stricken with terminal illness? We have at our hands several domains of control, some events we control, some we partially control and other we are just unwilling victims of happenstance. 

Accepting responsibility for circumstance we don’t control discourages our resolves. Sorrow over past behavior only encourages growth when the guilt provides wisdom, illuminating mistakes, and motivates correcting behavior. Unproductive guilt, however, invites helplessness and depression.
 
When bad happens, there isn’t always a recognizable cause—an obvious person to blame. Unpredictable disaster can strike, disrupting our lives, dampening joys, and leaving us worse off—sorrow is an appropriate response.
"Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us."
​Steven Tyler

​​I’m not grateful when a loved one suffers from the ravages of cancer. I'm slow to embrace new opportunity when grieving loss. Sorrow and healing are a process—a natural process. Certainly, we may blame ourselves for sorrows, and the lack of happiness. But what’s wrong with feeling natural emotion to difficult events?
 
Even when we stupidly hurt our future, damage a relationship, or act with imprudence, why should we beat ourselves into sorrowful submission? Mistakes will be made, we stumble through existence. We routinely slip and some of those slips cause us to land hard. We should feel something—not positive jubilee; but a discomforting emotion to remind that change is needed.
"We routinely slip and some of those slips cause us to land hard. "
We are not responsible for all of our sorrows; but we are responsible for many of them. A significant contributor to the blessings and sorrows of the future is our present. What we do today impacts what we experience tomorrow. When we read about well-being, we envision right and wrong choices. Life isn’t so simple. Many choices aren’t clearly defined with known consequences.

​Life unfolds in bundles. Actions are intertwined with tradeoffs and variations. Healthy behaviors typically bless, and selfish behaviors usually curse, but we don’t know exactly how those blessings or curses will be expressed; we just know they will. We do our best, seeking wisdom, learning from practice and observation, willing to accept responsibility when appropriate.
"The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."
​Russell M. Nelson

Personal responsibility wrenches the soul. Seeing our role in creating pain (in our life or in others), we feel guilt, sorrow and regret. Many find solace in victimhood, excusing their roles. Yet it is a fools' comfort that stagnates growth and invites repeated attacks from disabling consequence. Blaming others misdirects attention from behaviors we should abandon or adjust. When we ditch responsibility for internal solace, expecting others to serve our cravings for joy, we blindly ignore our errors.
"​When we feel sadness, cry our tears and share our sorrows with others, our degree of attachment fades and something wonderful starts to happen. Our minds clear of bewilderment and confusion. Happy memories and connections are revived. Doubts and anxieties settle and, with acceptance of the new situation, anger subsides."
Larry Culliford | Psychology Today
Why do we fear our own humanity?  Why do we keep harming futures and then blame others? Perhaps vulnerability frightens us. So, we lie and become the cause of much of our sorrows.
 
We must slow down and mindfully examine our mindsets. Adversity is not always our fault. Sometimes others do wrong, that impacts our life, and we rightfully feel sorrow. We must accept and endure these uninvited guests. We still have plenty of personal work.

​Notwithstanding the influence of outside forces, we also follow many errant patterns that interfere with happiness and invite sorrow. These damaging patterns can be improved. Our sorrow to the consequences of these behavioral and emotional patterns flag the error, bringing the actions into the light, if we will just look. Flourishing is neither achieved from a harshness nor ignorant blindness; but proceeds forth from self-compassion and gentle corrections.
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T. Franklin Murphy
T. Franklin Murphy
Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
​T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.

Index:

Flourishing in Life
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  • Mindfulness
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Wellness 
Psychology of Wellness
  • Emotions​
  • Personality
  • Defense Mechanisms
Flourishing Relationships
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About Flourishing Life
Emotion article database

External Links:
External Link. A Counterintuitive Way to Cheer Up When You’re Down
External Link:  How To Stabilize Your Emotions
External Link. Religion mitigates feelings of depression by providing a sense of meaning
External Link: Big Feels and How to Talk About Them
External Link: 6 Types of Basic Emotions
External Link: Emotional Fitness Is A Thing -- Here Are 7 Key Mental Muscles
External Link: The Beauty of Self-Awareness

Types of Therapy:

Cognitive Behavior Therapy
Person Centered Therapy
Logotherapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Moral Reconation Therapy

​Other Flourishing Life Society articles of interest on this topic:

Alexithymia. A Psychology Definition. A Flourishing Life Society article link
We move through stages of behavior, thought and emotion. Each phase impacting the others. We work to change by modifying any (and sometimes all) of the stages.
A Flourishing Life Society link. Overactive Mind
We are pulled into harmful routines by emotion. We feel and then we react. Unfortunately, our reaction isn't always helpful. We need space to think and then act more appropriately.
Eudaimonia: Living Well and Doing Good. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Internal Link. Accepting Life on Its Terms: We stress over the hardships; but life is what is. It always will have troublesome moments. Happiness comes and goes; just as sorrows. Once we accept these inevitable truths, the impact of troubles diminishes.
Emotions are primary motivators for action. Sometimes misguided action needs to be inspected for appropriateness.
Emotionally Detached. A Flourishing Life Society article link
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. A Flourishing Life Society article link
We need connections; but the world doesn't need vaguely hidden intentions. We need soul felt kindness.
FLS Link: Dark Triad Personalities
Appraisal Theory of Emotion. A Flourishing Life Society article link
We protect our lives from the showering of unpleasant experience through our minds and action.
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Overly Positive
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Mental Health Breaks
A Flourishing Life Society article link. Feeling Lonely. An article on loneliness

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Stresss article archive link
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Types of Therapy article archive link
Trauma and Healing Articles
Positive Psychology article archive link
Internal Link: Cause of Sorrows
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