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Stop Fooling Yourself

Acknowledging Deceptions; Changing Trajectories

BY: T. Franklin Murphy | June 2016 (edited June 22, 2022)

Three red solo cups with a blue ball. A historic game of deception. A Flourishing Life Society article on deception and success

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We must stop fooling ourselves, relying only on a positive attitude. Believing in success is not enough. We must also correctly do the the things necessary for success.

Citing positive mantras generates energy to combat critical and destructive thoughts. But when our mantras deviate too far from reality, we impede learning. We need more positive reinforcement, but others, perhaps, need more reality.

Thoughts Motivate Behavior

Thoughts—whether positive or negative—influence behavior. How and what we think has impacts on how life feels and how we act. We want to feel good but not at the expense of correct action. We must bounce back and forth from soothing our ego and prodding better action.

Thoughts play a prominent role in the action loop, encouraging action to fulfill the thought. If we believe we are bungled and botched, we likely flounder, messing up assignments, and fulfilling the tainted picture we hold of ourselves. The same is true for positive thinking; when we trust in our abilities, we likely will act to succeed. The practice of citing positive mantras challenges negative beliefs, re-programming self-defeating thoughts encouraging more constructive action.

Limitations of Positive Thinking

Positive mantras, however, are not magic. When too dependent on mantras, we over-look other important ingredients for success. Lasting and effective change requires more than a few simple phrases. We must follow thoughts with proper actions. Acting with confidence when action is misdirected leads to massive failures. Along with positive thoughts, we must remain humble enough to see fault and apply corrective adjustments. With sufficient knowledge, practiced skills and the self-discipline, we can achieve many great things.

Without proper knowledge, positive color coating of errors may reinforce confidence where skills and knowledge are lacking. I call this misdirected confidence. We need doubt in areas we need to develop. Not doubt in ourselves but doubt in our skills in that particular area.

"When too dependent on mantras, we may over-look other important ingredients for success. Lasting and effective change requires more than a few simple phrases."

Without the necessary self-discipline and skills, we can convince ourselves to feel good, but then sit idle, waiting for the universe to deliver the rewards. We must make difficult choices, defying natural inclinations, and humbly acknowledge personal limitations.

Key Definition:

Misdirected Confidence is when we are confident in deficient skills and knowledge.

Knowledge, Self-Discipline, and Patience

I can repeatedly tell myself how intelligent I am but if I neglect reading and learning, my intelligence remains stagnant. I may think I am brilliant; but remain stupid. Positive self-talk can motivate but also can inhibit.

Several decades ago, after reading “Think and Grow Rich,” I discovered prematurely thinking I was rich encouraged unnecessary spending. Instead of implementing the necessary habits of saving and investing, the positive thoughts landed me deeper in debt. For positive thought to succeed, we must be motivated in proper action—following the proper means is essential to arrive at the desired end.

I recently read an article that guaranteed success by practicing three things. The article listed the following:

Specific goals
Associating with the people we aspire to be like, and
Visualizing the benefits (even test driving expensive cars).

These three suggestions (not scientifically supported) may motivate but the steps blatantly skips the necessary hard work. Knowledge, self-discipline, and patience are out of vogue—unpopular vestiges of the past. Yet, without them, we fail.

By entertaining hope without applying appropriate action, we evoke conflict. Reality collides with expectations. The riches and happiness evade our misguided hopes until we properly act.

See Realistic Optimism for more on this topic

The conflict—believing but not acting—eventually discourages the dreamer. Beliefs eventually must contend with reality. Believing I’m rich doesn’t pay delinquent bills. The conflict challenges our positive thoughts, requiring a re-examination of behaviors, or more engrossing deceit. We can’t force ourselves to believe we are successful while living in squalor. The bill collectors knock at the door, the bank accounts remain barren, and our hopes reflect the sorrow of unfulfilled dreams. We continue to live the nightmare unless, of course, we begin the real work of change.

Positive Thoughts and Positive Actions

We seek simple solutions to complex problems. We chase after fast and dramatic results while ignoring proven and difficult paths necessary for success. We fool ourselves with simplicity, magnifying the easy while ignoring the difficult.

When we sort through the dozens of pieces necessary for success, carefully placing them correctly, we solve the complex puzzle of richness and satisfaction. Positive thinking is one piece; an effective instrument for our well-being tool box. But a single tool has limitations—easily misused; not because the tool is faulty but because it’s incomplete. Sometimes we need a hammer, other times a wrench. Often, we need both.

Success, while defined in many ways, is a state of being achieved through the proper actions to bring the hopes into the reality of our lives. This process requires skills—of thought and action. Positive thinking motivates. Positive thinking may strengthen self-discipline. But ultimately for the gifts to be bestowed, we must quit fooling ourselves with positive thoughts that ignore the challenging behaviors upon which those gifts are predicated. Our thoughts can encourage action or grossly fool ourselves into inaction. Don’t be a fool.

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T. Franklin Murphy

Wellness. Writer. Researcher.
T. Franklin Murphy has a degree in psychology. He tirelessly researches scientific findings that contribute to wellness. In 2010, he began publishing his findings.