Ten Warning Signs to Run
People can change; but often don't.
1. Boundary Violations: frequent unannounced visits, calls, and text messages, ignoring requests, dismissing your obligations (as unimportant), and often intruding on other areas of your life.
2. Too perfect: your date is too charming, has all the right lines, comes across as excessively smooth. Your date loves everything you love and hates everything you hate.
3. Hidden life: conceals important information about himself that you discover later. After several dates, you realize you know very little about him/her. Where do they live, where do they work, what is their family like. Answers to direct questions are vague and subject to interpretation.
4. Unhealthy Jealousy: your prospective partner discourages time spent with outside interests, family, and friends. Your prospective partner searches your phone, email, or documents. Your prospective partner spies on you at work. Your prospective partner experiences extreme mood swings from your casual conversations with others. It may seem cute that your prospective partner is so into you; but troublesome as the relationship develops.
5. Lack of stability: changes jobs frequently with long periods of unemployment. Unmet financial obligations, high credit card balances, and no secure housing.
6. Doesn't respect you: asks you to do things you are uncomfortable doing (e.g., lying, lending him money, sex, etc.), Does not respect “No," to his requests, arguing that your boundary is a personal defect.
7. Other Dysfunctional Relationships: he/she has “deadbeat parent” issues, volatile relationships with ex-spouses, and partners.
8. Long history of addictions: drugs, pornography, gaming, etc... Inviting an addict into an intimate relationship does not solve the problem, it makes the problem yours.
9. Immediate attachment: your date pushes for immediate commitment, introduces marriage talk early, Soul Mates. Those with dangerous characteristics prefer commitment before the new "love" object gets to know them.
10. Mental Illness: some mild forms of mental illness can be treated with medication. But mental illness does not cure itself. A partner with severe mental illnesses can be volatile and ill equipped to satisfy a partners needs.
“Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.” ~H. G. Wells